Tuesday, July 25, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, A Life Of Its Own

Psychosis and anxiety are intertwined in me, they are inseparable traits in me, for some anxiety by itself is terrifying, i.e. panic attacks that spin out of control and loom larger and larger to the point of being a mental cripple.
Their pain and suffering are real, anxiety can balloon into a huge mess with a life of its own.
Sow into that fabric of uncontrolled anxiety psychosis.
Psychosis, when you hear and see things that are not real, and all the more terrifying because they are not real for no one but the psychotic sees and hears these hallucinations and demons.
Then there are the delusions that mark the psychotic, false, persistent beliefs held to be real with absolutely no evidence to support them and even have mountains of evidence of their falsehood.
These are terrifying things that also have a life of their own, and bring anxiety in spades, in uncontrolled panic attacks and terror.
I walk down the street drowning in delusions, I keep my composure well, I am not going to commit suicide, become violent or break the law because of psychosis, anxiety and internal terror.
I do not run around in public or private yelling and screaming at people with nonsensical world salad nor do I talk to myself, at least not in public.
I keep my appearance presentable, I shave, shower daily, brush my teeth, do my laundry, floss, use antiperspirant and deodorant.
I refrain from saying fuck you to my neighbors downstairs that I do not like, yet they are obnoxious, but I keep my composure, I will not surrender to my internal fear and terror by lashing out at others who have not caused it nor even know that it is there in me.
I often walk down the street and people do or say strange things that are real, because my friends see them too.
But that is where IDEAS OF REFERENCE SURFACE, delusions that random events around me are somehow related to me or even targeted at me on purpose by individuals and large groups called perps who are gang stalking me, the targeted individual, to push me to isolation and suicide.
You can google the terms Gang Stalking, Perps and Targeted Individuals yourselves.
I am not convinced gang stalking is never real in my life, actually I have taken videos and pictures of my stalkers and put them online, letting the stalkers know I just recorded and documented their stalking and they will be famous in social media across the world wide web and internet.
Some of the things these gang stalkers do is weird, out of the ordinary but not illegal things to try to terrify me into suicide , like running backwards passed me in groups, that happened today, it happened to fast to record with my smart phone so I just threw them the finger and said fuck you.
My friend Ron was there he saw it, it was real, it happened, but was it really aimed at ME?
I do not know this shit is taking on a life of its own.

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