Sunday, April 30, 2017

Un poema de autor Gary G Pelow

Yo hoy son mucho y muy tengo mierdo, mi mente is lleno muchos problemas de deluciones y halucionados.
Mi cerebra es no normal como tu y otros gente y personas, mi miento es en un estada de confusion y terror emociones.
No se que es real o imaginario en ese mundo, yo tengo muchos problemas con otros persone por que mi condicione mental de enferma de mente.
Hay persona y diablos y espiritus mal que viven en me mente y todos tiempos yo soy me anxiedad y terror.
Em mi mundo  de psicosis, hay es no vierdads, todos de realidad es un posicion de incertedumbre, no se que es real.
La gente que son acerca mi no comprenden el dolor y terror yo siento todos dios en mi mente todos dias con no fin a el terror en mi cabeza.
Yo pregunta, Son tu mi enemigo o amiga? No se, por que todos realidad es en duda.
Yo ve enemigos en todos lugares en el mundo, yo tengo suspiciones de todos personas yo ve en todos lugares, es terible, es dolor mental que no otros persona pueble ve.
Yo ve  muchos fantasmos y espiritus en enfrente de mi ojos que no otra gente pueblen percibien.
Yo soy solo en este mundo, mi mundo y realidad es no mismo como tu o otra personas de mundo total.
Nunca personas tiene el capcidade ayudar, yo soy es solo en el mundo de mi mente y psychosis.
Yo vas exterior de mi casa que tiene mi apartmento y veo personas como mi enemigo, todos personas, regular las personas quien son extrenos, la gente yo soy no se, en el grupo de gente yo soy son todavia solo, hay no amigos or aliados, yo soy es muy loco y mucho  inestable mentale.

Friday, April 28, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Red Lights

The car is outside, They are stalking me, or I think they are, I am standing in front of my house smoking a cigarette.
They are waiting to see if I am going to walk down the street, they may try to kill me in a drive by shooting or other violence.
I had no intention to go anywhere tonight, I was just outside in the dark to smoke, but they wanted me to walk somewhere, the store, the pharmacy, a bar, wherever, they just wanted me to walk down the street so they can kill me.
They were just parked there with there big scary rear car red lights shining full blast than they drove past me, pulled into a driveway , turned around and drove past me with the scary red lights.
I saw them driving away past me, than I saw them turning around, I tried to take out my cell phone to take pictures or video of them in their car, but they drove away to fast, I did not see clearly who the people in the car were other than the fact they were white.  Also it was to dark to take clear pictures or record clear digital video from my smart phone.
I do not know what is real or not tonight, I am afraid, but violence or suicide coming from me to myself or others is absolutely out of the question, not options, not on the table.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Companions

I do not hate them, these people who are following me, who are stalking me, like John Nash and his companions.
I go to the laundromat, the coinop, and they are there, staring at me, trying to unnerve me, trying to make me afraid.
I go to Nick's Super store to buy simple food items on the corner and they are there, staring at me, following me.
They are standing on the street corner of Meigs and Monroe and they are there, staring at me, spying on me.
I go to the Roman Catholic Church for a free dinner, a nutritious dinner, and they are there, following me, spying on me, staring at me.
I often feel afraid of my companions in the sense they will eventually use violence coming from some grudge they have against me to kill me.
I see them talking and texting to their bosses or handlers, the ones who are in charge of my companions who are stalking me.
They always intend to make me feel frightened, threatened, unsafe, humiliated, meek and week, they intend to make me feel and act like a coward, a milquetoast.
But I am tired of being afraid or being threatened or stalked to make me feel constant fear, fuck that shit.
No more fear. I will stand my ground.  I will defend myself if need be. I will stand up to protect my rights and dignity without backing down. I will always follow the law but never capitulate to my companions who are my enemies, I will continue my life, they would have to kill me to stop me from living normally.
By the way, my companions, my enemies who are always there may not actually exist.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, AMNESIA

I take the drug, I have to, I have schizophrenia, I have confusion, fear, paranoia, anxiety, psychosis.
The Benzo drugs, I take one of the drugs twice daily, Klonopin, a "minor" tranquilizer, their is nothing "minor" about it.
Addiction and attachment can develop while using such drugs, over time stopping them abruptly can cause severe problems like seizures and vomiting.
Death can occur in those conditions.
So why?  Why do I ingest such substances into my body, they seem and can be dangerous.
I take them to live, I take them to live as normally as possible while in a confused state of constant paranoia and psychosis revolving around the idea people are plotting against me, that there is a net work of gang teenagers following me, reporting to their bosses about me.
I have no idea who those bosses would be, and I have no idea why they would stalk me trying to kill me.
I have no scientific proof of these beliefs, I use to go up to total strangers and accost them while accusing them of following me or spying on me, they always denied it, the spying, the stalking.
But I have to still live, I still have to work, pay the rent, get together with friends.
I still have to eat, have a place to live.
I still have to write my poetry such as it is.
Klonopin.
The drug reduces my fears even when I am still in a state of paranoia and psychosis, if nothing else Klonopin makes the idea that their is a conspiracy against me more bearable and filled with much less fear of people trying to kill me.
This is important because I have no proof anyone is trying to stalk or kill me, so I still have to live, to function, to study my Spanish lessons and make my videos for Minds.com.
Klonopin keeps me on a straight, routine daily path, a daily schedule, to do my errands, to do the mundane like doing laundry.
Routine is important.
But also Klonopin puts me into a very deep sleep during the night on a very relatively low dose of Klonopin.
I wake up the next morning in a confused fog of tiredness and forgetfulness.
AMNESIA. KLONOPIN AMNESIA.  I often wake up with no memories of past negative events, if I forget something horrible or threatening, I have less stress.
So, I walk around in a tired, forgetful, amnesiac fog.
But I can sleep again, my insomnia is gone, it often lasted for months.
I am no longer going through severe vomiting brought on by stress and anxiety with no medical cause on a daily basis with severe abdominal pain and constipation and diarrhea.
These things are gone, and I remember very little of it. Klonopin suppresses the
bad things that happen, I have less trauma.

Friday, April 21, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Gallery of Zero Evidence

My cell phone has a gallery, my smart phone has records, records of what?  People.  What people?
Strangers on the street, strangers just standing there, or parked in a car for one hour with the engine idling, doing, well, nothing.
I see them everywhere, oh, maybe not the exact same people, but people acting the same, staring at me.
I see them texting on their smart phones as they follow me, or it seems they are following me.
Sometimes they are just standing across the street directly ahead of me, or on the street corner, texting someone, someone in charge as they spy on me.
Sometimes I see the same type of white van over and over again, not the EXACT same van, just lookalikes.
I can not seem to step outside my house without seeing these walkers, people just standing there or driving by.
If I am wrong, in that they are not spying on me or following me, I can not take the chance to confront them and accuse them of something with zero evidence.
I do the next best thing, no one gets hurt, I cope a little better, my life moves on.
These stalkers, these "perps", may not be stalkers or "perps"
So if they SEEM suspicious to me, I walk up as close as I can to where they are, where they can clearly see what I am doing, I whip out my smart phone and film them, I take their pictures.
If they are not stalking me or following me, than no big deal, I have a collection of harmless useless videos and pictures of random people on my phone that actually have nothing to do with me.
If they ARE STALKING ME, which I doubt, I have no evidence, but if they are, they have been caught at it, recorded and THEY KNOW IT.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Dragged

I feel like I am being dragged with no direction or control by a team of four horses with my face downward along the ground.
Fear has a tendency to do that to a person, when fear runs amok in the mind that can feel as painful as anything physical.
I am also drained by depression, I have no ambition, at least not today, that tends to go up and down wildly.
Over the past 3 weeks most of my insomnia has gone away, except last night, I was having more paranoid thoughts, it kept running through my head how unseen people and unknown enemies want to kill me and are plotting against me.
It is late April, Spring is right on top of me, yet today is cold and rainy and bleak, made more bleak by fear and paranoia.
I am uplifted in a way though, for four fucking years, up until 20 days ago, I lived in the fucking unstable and unsafe rooming houses of this city in the North.
I was in constant fear for my physical safety, and not just because of paranoia but also because I was in real danger, one of my mentally ill, heroine addict house mates attacked me 3 months ago, a statement by events it was time to go, especially since I actually had the money to go.
So I am certainly grateful for being in a my own home, with my own kitchen, stove, bathroom, shower, and furniture.
I do have some sense of achievement for plowing through the past for years with constant abdominal pain, vomiting, constipation, insomnia, depression, anxiety, worry, paranoia, psychosis, delusion to a better place.
This place.
Now.
Here.
Safer.

Friday, April 14, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, What is a Racist?

Am I racist if I point out women get stoned to death in Islamic politically controlled counties for adultery, even if their "adultery" is being a victim of rape?
Am I a racist when I point this out even though Islam is not a race, it is a religion, sometimes a political system?
Am I a bigot when I point out that pampered, rich, white, first world, third wave feminist, leftists ignore these murders and torturing of women in the Islamic world and ignore its real patriarchy and real rape culture and real fascism and complain about how women are treated in the first world, the west, like how they are portrayed in video games in the west?
Where is Australian Feminist, champion of women's rights, Clementine Ford and her outrage over Islam and women?
Well she appears to be missing in action, she would rather complain about non-existent rape culture and patriarchy in the west and join the ranks of feminist Anita Sarkeesian who is more concerned about women portrayed in cartoons, movies and video games, you know IMAGINARY realms.
Go online, go ahead I dare you, Google "Stoning videos" of "Adulterers" or gays in the Islamic world political countries.
Believe me, you will find quite a plethora of videos of women, children, gays, trangenders, and dissidents being stoned, hung, flogged, enslaved, beaten, mutilated, raped, and tortured in countries of the religion of peace like Iran.
I must forewarn though, these videos are real, they are graphic, they are violent, they are brutal, brought to you by fun loving people of Allah like ISIS, The Taliban, and The Islamic Brotherhood.
Where is cunt whipped you tube user, leftist, Steve Shives? Strange I hear only crickets.
Where is facebook or twitter or tumblr and their outrage over these abuses and murders in Islam?
Well, they are apparently more concerned over humorous cat videos and make up tutorials to be bothered.
Not to bothered to censor others of these truths, so they are aware of these crimes, they just do not care.
Where are ANTIFA and the antifascists and the anarchists out to fight violence and bigotry?
Well they are to busy defending Islamic murder, torture, violence and fascism by using violence to shut people up who bring you theses facts.

Monday, April 10, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Tension

There is tension in the world today, it is a conflict of civilizations, I do not care if you call me a racist or an Islamaphobe, I know that I am not a racist and the word Islamaphobe is a made up word that says nothing, means nothing, and conveys nothing.
In the name of diversity and multiculturalism, migrants, mostly young men of military age and conscription in their home countries, are raping young women and even children, boys and girls on a massive scale in Sweden, Germany and England and the police do nothing.
Muslim migrants from the Middle East and Sub-Sahara Africa view non-Muslim women as whores to be viewed as having no rights and as legitimate targets of rape and sexual molestation.
Young boys and girls have been molested and even anally and vaginally raped, one rapist of a young boy said he committed his crime because he was having a "sexual emergency".
The media in The United States and the rest of the Western media in Europe and Canada, and Australia and New Zealand do not report these things, after all "diversity is our strength" and Islam is a "religion of peace".
I do not support hate crimes against Muslims, but nor do I support anti-Semitic and anti-Jewish hate crimes, which are on the rise in Europe and the West in general being committed by Muslim migrants and immigrants.
It is baffling that violent leftist "anti-fascists", ANTIFA and anarchists who claim they are fighting fascism by using violence against people who they do not agree with through riots, punching, kicking, pepper spray and black block violent techniques completely ignore the anti-Semitic crimes and violence and rape and subjugation of women and fascism of the political Islamic fascist world as well as fascist Muslim anti-Semites, racists and rapists.
Left wing, feminist, progressive, Cultural Marxists, ANTIFA, anarchist activists like third wave feminist Australian Clementine Ford or American bell hooks proudly bleat out loudly how they support the rights of women, gays, people of color, people in the LGBTQ community, bisexuals, and how they  oppose violence and hate speech against these groups but they ignore the public execution of gays in Iran by hanging from construction cranes or being thrown off roof tops in other Islamist countries for being gay and if they survive the fall, no worries, there is always a crowd waiting to finish the job by stoning.
These psychotic and delusional third wave feminists ignore female genital mutilation of young girls, the stoning, flogging and beating of women as well as their enslavement to men, as well as honor killings and acid being thrown in the face of women throughout the Muslim world and Sub-Sahara Africa.
People like Australian Clementine Ford are delusional and are pathological liars who have openly called for violence against their opponents.
The Western citizens of Western societies are tired of this shit, they are voting for right wing candidates because the far political left has collective erectile dysfunction.
I do not like or support the far right like Richard Spencer, but they are gaining influence because of the political left.
Donald Trump is President of The United States thanks to people like Clementine Ford.

Friday, April 7, 2017

A Poem by Gary G Pelow, On The Move

He struck me hard in the arm with a broom handle and left a bruise, a room mate I did not really know well.
I lived in that rooming house for three fucking years, the landlord said he would put five people into that rooming house if he could arrange it, find the right tenants.
He never really seemed to be able to find the "right tenants", after 2 or 3 months he often evicted most of his tenants.
It was like a fucking revolving door, people, tenants, of all shapes, sizes, races, religions, cultures, and nationalities came and went for three fucking years.
The landlord was a good guy, he kept the rooming house in good repair and enforced common sense rules for the tenants, hence the constant evictions and the revolving door.
I was was the only tenant there that stayed for an extended period without being evicted for the three years I was there as a tenant.
My room mates came and went, or more accurately, they came and then were evicted for all kinds of violations.
Drug use, drunkenness, unreasonably loud noises, yelling and screaming, and all around general chaos.
Of course some tenants had to leave simply over money, or the lack of it, to pay the rent.
Some of the tenants moved in while on "welfare" and for whatever reasons had their "welfare"  or "public assistance" cases closed by the local department of social services.
No money, no place to live.
I have been fortunate, even as a mentally ill person, in terms of financing, that is having enough money to at least pay the rent, buy food, pay for my psychiatric care and medical care and money for the bus.
I was on a form of Social Security program that was for the disabled that was need based, not on employment history and paying taxes into the Social Security system in the United States.
It was much less money for rent, food, medical and psychiatric care and transportation, I was never homeless, but it was a tight budget that I did manage well most of the time.
Then my father died.  Within five days of his death The United States Social Security Administration sent me a letter saying I was from that point forward to receive Social Security Survivor Benefits based on my father's work history and based on the fact I was considered disabled by mental illness before the age of 22.
So I had more money per month and a less strict budget but still a fixed income.
So, I was living in this rooming house for three fucking years and I put up with all kinds of bullshit because I needed the landlord as a reference to find my own apartment.
I saved up $1,200 and one early morning I got up to go the the bathroom and was promptly attacked by one of my most recent room mates with a broom handle, the fucking pigs did not arrest him and I never got to press charges against this fucking idiot who apparently went off his psychiatric meds and started using heroine.
I had had enough, my psychosis and fear and anxiety were rising, I was never really safe at that rooming house, so I bolted.
I am now living in less fear and with more privacy.