Monday, March 13, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Mud is thicker than blood.

I had a very good thing going for two years I was with her, she was smart, calm and rational, she was never hysterical.
That was more important to me than her looks or appearance, this is a woman with 7 adult children and a crack smoking ex-husband.
I was living in a small town, I met Sue on the internet, she lived in another city about 150 miles from me with a much larger population than the town that I lived in.
We talked for 6 months on the phone, facebook and using texting and emails to each other.
She actually took the trouble to finally come meet me, she drove that 150 miles to me in her truck, I did not have, and still do not have a car, and never will.
I was sitting on the picnic table sitting next to my apartment building when she drove into the parking lot.
Within ten minutes of meeting her I felt that this was a person I can trust, someone who will not betray me, and that trust was important, I am a paranoid schizophrenic, I trust no one.
So we were together for two years, I would take a Greyhound bus to see her and other times she drove to see me.
After two years though things started turning surreal, abnormal in our relationship, she seemed to start asking me questions that sounded like she was suspicious of me, wary of me.
It was not a situation that she asked me these strange questions because she thought I was cheating on her, no it was actually nothing as banal as that.
She started to question me about exactly where I was both at the immediate moment and current day in terms of my location as well as asking where I was on some other exact day and time.
I did not catch it at first, I did not pickup about what was happening.
But, I learned quite a lot as my sister was planning a family reunion.
She chose a really fucking hot day in July for this shindig, it was almost 100 degrees outside in the shade.
I had been planning to go to this reunion for a very long time, I have ten brothers and sisters and their families I had not seen in years or in some cases I never met
It was hot, I was feeling horrible, I do not do heat well.
I did not go to the reunion.
I told Sue that I did go to the reunion, she and some of my friends believed it was an obligation to go on my part, I had chosen not to see my family or talk to them in over ten years.
My oldest sister committed suicide, I did not find out about it until six years later.
So Sue and my friends believed it would be grossly immoral not to go to the reunion, after all they are my "kin" as Sue put it.
But that is not how I viewed the situation, I was molested and tortured for years in the basement  of my fathers house duct taped to a drain pipe by the son of my fathers girlfriend who had moved in with my family.
My brother Larry was 6 or 7 years older than me, he not only knew about the abuse, but also watched, he did nothing.
My mother was a mentally ill woman in the severest sense and died from booze, I was eight when she died, I was mentally ill myself early on, my behavior grew more bizarre as I approached the teen years.
My family did nothing.
So, as far as I am concerned, my "kin" were completely evil to me, they still are, the word "family" or the word "kin" is meaningless, it said nothing, it conveyed nothing.
Anyways I found out why Sue was asking me questions about what I was doing and where I was doing it.
She had been talking behind my back with my brother Tom and his wife, my sister-in-law.
They told her I lied about the reunion, which is right, I did lie about going to the reunion.
They also said that she, Sue, should leave me, that I was violently mentally ill and dangerous.
I have no record of violence or arrests for violent crimes, or any kind of crime.
My brother betraying me like that, telling obvious lies about me to Sue.
Sue admitted talking to my brother and his wife for several months without my knowledge.
She did not actually believe these lies that I was violent, but she also betrayed me simply by listening to their lies for months.
My family of blood was slinging mud at me and at Sue about me.
Apparently my family sees nothing special in the words like "kin", or "family"
So why the fuck should I.

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