Friday, January 27, 2017

Women's March: The ugly face of hate

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Unhinged

I share a house with three other men, there are four of us in total in this chaotic house.
My own paranoia and symptoms of Schizophrenia and psychosis comes and goes, it fluctuates wildly.
I have been in many horrific places that I was living at, for example, a flea bag hotel called the Cadillac Hotel.
A place occupied by hookers, drug addicts, drug users, thieves and the severely mentally ill who are not in treatment
This shit hole was also infested with bed bugs, mice, scabies mites and cockroaches. That place is filled with disease, of both body and mind.
It is hard to deal with reality when the people I am living with are becoming less connected to reality themselves.
I am a constant nervous wreck, I am always in a state of alarm and panic over my own physical safety.
My stomach is constantly turning with nausea and acid that often results in severe intractable vomiting.
I suppose I should just be grateful that I have a place to live in the middle of the cold of January, and I am grateful.
I am crashing and struggling to get through each day, I move forward blindly through the chaos not knowing where I will end up.
Me and one of my roommates a couple of mornings ago, very early, around five AM, got into an argument that escalated very quickly from yelling and screaming to violence where I shoved him back as he rushed me to defend myself and he fell over a kitchen chair, then he got up, grabbed a broom and started hitting me with the handle, he left visible bruises on my forearms as I tried to block the broom handle as I was being attacked with it.
I called the police, they came, they asked some questions, and left without arresting my assailant even though I told them directly I wanted to press charges and they, the police, replied to me: "be a fucking man!".
My world is becoming more and more unhinged, like a train speeding off its tracks.
I am both possessed by and surrounded by psychosis, my own and that of my roommates.
I am tired of living in fear and tired of the police ignoring the constant danger I live in.
The police of this cold city were worse than useless when they came over to the house, I expected justice and protection of my rights and bodily safety from the police and instead received insults and derision from them, the police.
I have never trusted these pigs in law, they have failed me at every turn, they may not have caused violence against me, but they did stand there passively letting it happen.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Unsafe

I live in a world of the constant threat of violence, I share a house with three other roommates.
On January 22 and 23, 2017 I was attacked on two different occasions by my roommate with a broom handle, this left visible bruises on my arms and body.
So I called the police and they refused to arrest the person who assaulted me, putting me in constant danger because I still live with the mentally unstable person who attacked  me.
I feel confused, I do not know what to do, I am angry, justice has not been delivered to me by the police.
I never really trusted the police in my city, they seem to arrest people at random regardless of crimes committed or not.
These are powerful people, the police, they have guns and the legal power to use them, it is frightening to complain to the police department, I am afraid of reprisal from the men and women who have guns.
When the police came on both occasions the police not only refused to make an arrest but told me to, in their words:" Be a fucking man.", whatever the hell that is suppose to mean. Am I being a man by living in fear of violence  at all hours of day and night with zero help from the police?
I am struggling with my paranoia and psychosis, but it is not easy when I live with a mentally unstable person.
The police are of no use to me, they are worse than no police existing at all, they are dangerous and fucking incompetent.
The snow is falling outside and I am cold and afraid, shivering in both the cold and fear for my safety.
The ironic thing is that local jails and state prisons are the new asylums, dumping grounds for the mentally ill.
The police have militarized them selves, they have tanks, automatic weapons, they wear masks to conceal their faces, evidence enough that fascism is creeping into The United States of America ever so slowly.
So, there you have it, incompetent and brutal police oppression or a fucking police state.

Monday, January 23, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Mental Illness And Violence.

To have a mental illness often leads you vulnerable to violence and physical attack.
The mentally ill are more likely to be the victims of violence rather than the cause of it.
Today, I was trying to perform the simple and benign task of fixing the downstairs toilet, the flush chain was broken.
It was early in the morning and my bedroom is on the first floor next to the downstairs bathroom, I turned on the lights in the kitchen and bathroom after I noticed the toilet was not working.
I needed the lights on to see what I was doing in order to fix the toilet.
One of my roommates was sleeping down stairs on the couch which he is not suppose to do.
The next thing I notice was my roommate barreling out of the living room screaming and yelling at me that the lights and noise woke him up.
He was screaming and yelling at me and as he cornered me in the enclosed space of the small downstairs bathroom, he kept threatening me and moved closer to me in the bathroom continuing  to threatening me, so I pushed back on him.
He fell backwards and  over one of the kitchen chairs, then he got up, grabbed the broom that was in the kitchen and started hitting me with it and I could not get him to stop, I had to go to my bedroom to get out of his way.
From my bedroom I called the police and told them what happened and then my roommate came downstairs to tell the police his version of the story, which was  lies.
I called the landlord and he came over around  11:00 AM, he told my roommates he was wrong for sleeping in the living room.
I was not and I am not satisfied with this outcome so I called the police again to ask why I was not allowed to press charges when the police were here earlier.
The officer that came over that morning was off duty after 7 AM and he said he would call me when he was back on shift around midnight.
We will see what happens, I will stand up for my rights, I will not live in fear in my own home, especially just because I am mentally ill.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Blacks, Whites, Humanity, The Universe, God And Insects

CNN Displays Their Disgusting Racism on Live TV!

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Insidious

There is an evil that dwells here, right next door to me, a being filled with malicious intent to harm me.
He hides behind a mask of mental confusion and physical disability to hide his evil, vindictive ways.
He makes violent attempts to harm me and denies doing so, he says he had nothing to do with it, he is an innocent, disabled old man.
Just last night this worthless piece of shit shoved banana peels and a bed pan full of shit down the toilet on purpose.
The landlord had to come over to disconnect the toilet from the floor in a watery mess to retrieve the garbage shoved into the toilet.
Of course my lying fucking piece of shit of a roommate said he had nothing to do with the toilet being jammed, he did it out of vindictiveness.
He is a bitter dying old man, his life is closing in on death and he is losing his sanity to paranoia as death approaches.
I once had sympathy for him this evil, lying entity but sympathy and empathy only go so far with this man child, this worthless piece of human feces.
I am seeking to move to my own place, my own private apartment that is quiet and solitary and away from madness.
I must look out for my own health, I must look out for my own mental health, there is no longer any empathy or pity from me for this animal who luckily for the world has diabetes and his is dying, that would be no loss to the world, to see this decrepit loser die.
I am tired and lethargic, I am sick to my stomach, my guts are turning inside of me from disgust at this piece of work.
I need to escape this insane asylum of shit lords and liars who are adults acting like evil little children.
It is to noisy here, to many people in and out of here, there is no peace or quiet, just psychotic evil behavior.
I am trying to win this battle against this persistent evil, but I am tired, I aim drained.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Every Man/Woman Rapes The Earth

This world is shrinking and its inhabitants are growing in number, the world is under growing burden.
For 150 years this problem has been unfolding, medicine, technology and machines have us living longer and longer lives.
People of every shade and color are growing in number, the weight of seven billion lives is crushing the Earth to death.
We are tearing up the Amazon rain forests for farming and killing unknown species into extinction.
I do not consider myself to be an environmentalist, but I do not have to be to notice the destruction of Earth.
I see the selfish acts of grinding away at the surface of our world and digging into it just so the lights stay on.
You can give electricity, just do not tell me where it is coming from, I do not need the immoral details.
You can give me beef steaks, ground beef, pork chops and bacon, you can give me chicken and turkey.
I will eat it with enthusiasm, just do not give me the details, the meat will curb my hunger and I need not know of the ethics of its source.
I will run up and down the streets screaming about the dangers and immorality of nuclear power and coal, but I do not protest these two things when they power my computer, I do not need to know the details, nor do I need the details of my own hypocrisy revealed to me.
I sit in my bedroom with its king size bed and oversized dresser and desk and mirrors, and I feel heat coming from the basement when it is 10 degrees outside.
I want this heat, it is deadly cold outside, just do not give me the details of what you do to get the heat and then sell it to me.
The Chinese government and the foreign businesses that work there have the benefit of slave labor making my shoes and shirts, but I do not worry about, I have my shoes and shirts.
Beijing has crushing, blinding pollution thick and visible in the air from burning coal, burning it unregulated.
Like me the Chinese are making demands for jobs, cars, electricity, food, computers and the internet and many Chinese want and get these things, but most do not want know how they are gotten.
There is brutality in China to animals, unspeakable evil is done to these animals.
Dogs are dragged into Chinese leather producers and they are bludgeoned to death with a club, often they do not die so are skinned alive.
The skin is used to make your leather gloves, coat and purse.
I doubt you want the details, after all, it is happening in China, let the government there stop it, they are in charge there not me.
The Earth is shrinking and being raped because we all want something that is produced by that rape.

Monday, January 9, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, In The Dark.

I am in an ink well of utter blackness, the light does not reach me hear, I see no one in this dark.
The Sun is down early this time of year, it is dark and cold hear, I am nauseated and very tired.
I have no energy, I am listless. My stomach is churning with acid and nausea, I suffer alone.
I am in my bed most of the day and night, I feel exhausted for no reason, fuck everything, I am tired.
The schedule is not being kept, I am letting things fall to the wayside, nothing seems worth doing.
My head is spinning like vertigo, I feel unbalanced, ready to fall down the stairs, tripping and falling in the dark, the ink well.
I have no companions to share neither joy or suffering, I am in a dark, empty corner, no one notices.
I am distended in my gut, I feel bloated and heavy, something in my gut is pushing out to escape.
The pain of my gut comes and goes, it goes up and down with no predictability, I feel like a monster is in me, tearing me apart.
In the dark I am suffering, I feel no hope, all this blackness seems to be never to end, like I was in a massive celestial black whole.
Can you imagine living in a dark, dead  star where time and space disappear? I am in that dead, ancient star.
I am fifty one years old but I feel like I never left my teen years, in the dead star time is frozen, the past is always the present, the present is the future, time goes neither forward nor behind, I am frozen in a time of past teen anguish and horror, a time of violence never ending.
I remember so vividly the violence done against me in those high school years.
I remember being pounded by fists, over and over, I am laying in the grass being pounded over and over again.
Jesus fucking Christ why am I frozen here in the past as present in this black whole, this dead star without time.
I am shaking in fear, loneliness, anger, depression and nausea, I am sick to the very core of my gut.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Overwhelmed.

I am in a state of shock, I have no idea what to do or how to react.
A video has gone viral on the internet, it shows four black people torturing, beating and cutting a disabled white man that they kidnapped because he is white and supposedly a Donald Trump supporter. As they tortured him they hurled racist insults at the victim.
I wonder where we are headed as a nation, as a country of many different races, colors, religions, sexual orientations and political beliefs.
It seems to me we are quickly sliding into chaos, racial tensions are no longer just about riots.
Racism today means terrorism.  When four people kidnap and torture someone in a half hour long video that is terrorism.
This video reminds me of Muslim terrorists like ISIS kidnapping people and beheading them on camera or setting them on fire with gasoline.
Is this what we have become? Do we now solve our problems in America through kidnapping and torture?
Do we live in Syria? Do we live in Iraq? Do we live in Afghanistan? Do we live in Iran or Saudi Arabia?
Jesus fucking Christ this is America, never perfect or always just, but still  fucking  America.
We should not be sliding into becoming a third world country that  can only seem to solve their problems with violence and civil war.
I live in a mainly black American neighborhood, I do not experience these things everyday, black or white, most people are not violent psychopaths.
America needs to do better than this, this is not us, it can never be us that acts with savagery.
Terrorist organizations like Black Lives Matter are culpable in this, police officers have been assassinated because of the atmosphere BLM has created.
Who is funding these people? How can they operate without money? They can not, they are being bank rolled by someone.
The name Soros comes to my mind, a billionaire who has funded  BLM to the tune of 300 million dollars.
There are people out there somewhere, here at home, that wants America to fail.
The four people doing the torture were stupid enough to film there own crimes in real time on facebook.
Americans, all Americans must not let America fail.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Drifting

I have been drifting, as a child  I was Roman Catholic, and believe me when you are eight years old and watch the Exorcist, it scares the shit out of you.
As I headed toward my middle teens I began to see holes in Roman Catholic doctrine, there were inconsistencies.
I still very much wanted to believe in some kind of God, but I did not know his or her name, these specifics eluded me.
After my Catholic confirmation ceremony I was involved in a ritual that was meaningless to me, I was no longer Catholic.
My father who had been strict about me attending church and The Mass every Sunday never went to church or The Mass
I was sixteen, my confirmation was done, I had fulfilled my obligations to church and father.
My father no longer insisted I go to church and the Mass, Catholicism was over and dead to me,
I drifted into Satanism as a rebellion against everyone and everything, I was not serious about it, I was just trying to shock and piss people off.
Then I drifted into Pentecostalism, this was a weird choice on my part, but they gave out free food and so I pretended to be one of them. I was not.
Pentecostalism is a nightmare of existence, people were shouting, dancing, and speaking in fake tongues and blamed everything on Satan, eventually even free food could no long glue me to these mentally ill people.
I was in Brockport when I started attending a fairly tame version of being a Baptist, I only went there for something to do with George my neighbor down he hall.
I increasingly became more aware that every religion I joined or participated in, the religions I kept drifting in and out of were meaningless fairy tales of Bronze age goat fuckers like Paul. Jesus, Peter, Moses and Muhhamad.
Then I was presented to You Tube, I drifted toward videos of Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens, I was bowled over by their logic and reason, they taught me to shed religious superstition of imaginary friends  in the sky.
I am an atheist, I see no evidence for gods or anything supernatural. I have stopped drifting.