I do not understand these changes, they are happening much to fast and to often.
I am drowning in an ocean of fear as I try to swim the new waters of circumstance.
People are coming and going, living and dying, reaching for goals, they move with purpose.
I am stagnate, there are no goals in my mind or soul, I am just drifting watching others go on.
I am tired and scared, and I do not know why.
Why is everyone running from me?
Why am I being abandoned again?
I hate these fuckers who come and go only to frighten me and confuse me.
They have lives and I have only existence, they are better than me, they are happier than me.
I hear their voices in the hall, of those leaving and coming in, they frighten me, I do not like change.
I hear noises in the hall, pounding and popping sounds that make me jump.
The Angel is leaving today, and I can not stop his departure.
I will be alone, I have no friends, I have no family that cares about my happiness and health.
I do not understand why, I understand nothing of these rapid, constant changes of people and events.
I am drowning in fear, I am denied a quiet, constant environment that is stable and makes some sense.
Nothing is going my way, everything is spinning out of my control and I want to die, but have no strength to end it.
So I sit in this fucking shit hole, trapped, and there is no where to go, I am sinking into my own feces and urine.
I have been violated, beat up and abandoned by everyone everywhere, I hate these fuckers.
I hate they have friends and family and resent that I do not have the same.
I have no understanding, I am lost. I am confused.