Thursday, July 7, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Turmoil

My brain, mind and soul are in turmoil, in psychosis, in confusion, there are those who would say my pain is no more or less than other human beings, they do not comprehend that suffering is unique to each person as is the experience of psychosis.  When I am disconnected from reality in a fantasy world based on psychosis, to me my suffering is the greatest in all of the world more than any other human being, I do not care about others when my pain blocks me from empathy and sympathy for others, I seek no solace for anyone but myself. My psychosis makes me selfish and disconnected in that way from others.  Once I broke my wrist, metal fasteners had to be put in to allow the bones to heal and to me, at that time, my suffering was greater than anyone persons  pain of body, I was consumed by my own suffering to the exclusion of suffering of other people.  When I am afraid, I care only to relieve my own fear, disregarding the fear of others, my fear feels like the greatest fear in the world.   I hate this fucking mind nature gave to me, handed down to me by a mentally unstable mother and a suicidal sister who blew of her own head with a shot gun, I blame them, for my pain, their filthy genetics of insanity dumped into my very being and existence, they had no right to allow me to be born, I would have rather that they, my parents, had aborted me, they knew what was coming to me and in store for me, my mental illness.  I will never forgive them, they do not deserve it.

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