Wednesday, June 29, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Improvement

There has been improvement in my cycle of mental illness, my paranoia is less, my fear somewhat abated, the depression and anxiety have partially lifted, I tend it to get through my day a little bit easier without being in a constant state of abject fear and terror with my hands and even by body trembling in fear over unseen, imagined enemies.  Part of this improvement has been because my  environment has improved, my new room mate is not an asshole like the other three I tried to share this house with, gone is the noise and drugs and booze and confusion the brought to  my life, I am glad they are gone and I am sleeping easier.  There is to be a new guy coming this weekend, a young guy, the landlord said that he will keep an eye on him because he is so young, I look to this Friday with trepidation, I have concerns that the past of confusion in this house may be rekindled, however I do not know that the confusion will start again, I hope not, I have enough confusion in my head, I do not need it in my residence, in my environment, I am trying not to judge this kid before I even meet him, it may all work itself out just fine, there is always some anxiety with change, this is unavoidable, I am just tired and exhausted over the time of psychotic confusion, fear and terror, and believe me, when I feel like that, terror is the right word for my emotions, especially when I am paranoid and suspicious that others are following me, spying on me, trying to hurt or murder me, yet I do not have evidence that such things are real and I do have evidence they are not real.  I have a new shrink coming, the one I had has left to give birth, I wish her well, she was easy to work with and actually cares about what happens with her patients.  So as I am writing this, I am trying hard to stay upbeat even in my Schizophrenia, we will see how it goes.

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