Tuesday, June 21, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Earthquake.

I am going through more change, more than I would like, my living quarters are in a state of flux and variation, I had some room mates kicked out of my house by my landlord, and today two new ones are moving in.  This change is like an earthquake to me in my emotional stability, I am struggling to keep up with this rapid change, I have to live with people I do not know, I hate this fucking shit, this fucking earthquake in my mind, none of this change does my mental illness any good.  I will go out later to dinner, to dinner with friends I know and can talk to because they are not strangers to me, I need to talk to people I know about my stress, about this earthquake of confusion in my soul.  I am struggling to fight off fear and anxiety over the unknown and rapid environmental change in my living situation.  I saw my shrink yesterday and she is aware of my fear, anxiety and confusion, I have so much stress in this earthquake of change, I write this poem to help me cope, I always liked writing, it relaxes me, it calms the tremors of this earthquake.  I am muddling through this confusion the best that I can, I am struggling for my sanity, struggling not to be overwhelmed with fear and loathing, I am keeping my daily schedule to keep busy and steady, sometimes my schedule is all that I have to cope with so much change.  My paranoia and fear and delusions are getting worse under the stress being exerted on my mind, body and spirit.  I am fearful, I feel alone and tormented, yet I am no danger to myself or anyone else, I am just in a state of panic that I hope is only temporary and not in long duration, I have not even met my new room mates yet, I hear them in the hallway and I am afraid to go introduce myself to them, but I can not avoid it forever, after all, I have to live with these people whom I do not trust, I do not trust anyone lately, we will see what happens.

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