Friday, May 6, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Time

It is time, the Sun is rising over this dark depression, there is a special warmth in the air, the breeze is blowing gently against my face and against my depression which is melting like ice in the spring. Sometimes I feel like there is no hope or escape from the nightmare that my life sometimes is, and then a day like today comes, and it is time to rethink my true position in life, it is not just a position of hopelessness or despair, sometimes it is but not always.  When I am lost in psychotic depression and paranoia my memory is colored with the idea I was never happy in my life, I only remember the violence and hatred heaped on me as a child, forgetting that during that same childhood, I climbed trees with my friends, we use to steal raspberries from the garden of the lady down at the end of the street, we would run and hide and laugh as if we were in a great adventure, and we were.  The time of my youth included riding my bike in the woods behind the local Catholic all boys high school, I even remember the name of those woods, Aquinas, named after the saint and philosopher.   We use to ride a mini bike my brother had built with a motor off of a lawn mower to turn its wheels.  I distinctly remember the smell of gasoline, not an unpleasant memory.  Yes, there was violence in my life as a child, but to say that is all there was would not be true, I  remember going to see the movies, horror movies, with my sister in law Kathy, these times were given to me by her to take my mind off my troubles in escapism, she was kind that way, she understood that not all was well with me and she acted out of compassion for me, for that I will always be grateful.  The times me and my friends, I actually had some back then, went swimming in the neighbors pool were times when all horrible things of dark violence were blocked out for just a little while, a vacation from the heat of the summer Sun and past memories of horror, and the horror of the present that is now passed.  I remember my times in college, in Fulton County and then in Long Island, I had friends then too, I was not alone and saw everyday the beauty of the country side in Johnstown and the campus woods on Long Island, near Old Westbury, I remember the smell of clean air and the lack of fake light allowing me to see the Milky Way, that is a magnificent sight for anyone lucky to see it.  So I am getting older now, my body has more kinks and pain in it than 40 years ago, to be sure, but my health is fairly good and I sometimes can see hope in the present and joy of the passed Time. 

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