Saturday, April 30, 2016
A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Peace..
My peace of mind has been disturbed, I ruminate on the unimportant things of life as if they were of life and death, I obsess over the trivial matters of reality as if my very life was hanging on a thread in these matters. My mind is always racing and my thoughts are in nonstop racing mode, I am nervous and confused, my mind is infused with anxiety, I shake over the matters of useless worries. I try desperately to slow down my mind but do not really know how to, I am shaking in fear, I am shaking in terror. My mind is acting if I was on amphetamines, my heart is pounding and I am sweating, my blood pressure is up. I seek to know how to not have these unwanted, intrusive thoughts, I seek to quiet my spirit and soul, I am in a state of anxiety so bad I am vomiting, I am retching up all that is in my gut, I feel sick to my stomach from obsessions in my mind, I am alone in these thoughts of confusion and frustration, I do not know what to do, I wish I could die but will never commit suicide, I have not the balls for that, I just want to fucking scream at people to help me but I remain silent in my terror, I have no friends to talk to, I have no lover to confide in, being alone fuels the mind with fear and distorts my unchallenged and distorted sense of reality, there is no one around to check my perceptions with, to compare my reality to theirs to see if I am wrong in all that I perceive to be true and might not be real. I may be swimming in psychosis or just being wrong and not even know it, there is no one to ask. I wish my mind would slow down, I wish my spirit would settle, I am trying hard to cope and I want to run away but I can not run from my own mind, I am locked into it and there is no escape from my own brain, whose neurons are firing out of control and causing all of this confusion