Monday, April 25, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Aftermath

There is a reason there is pain in the soul, there was abuse, a violation, there was torture, I was eight, he was a man, a man of evil, he ripped my soul apart as he violated my body, I was nearly destroyed in mind and soul, the torture has not ended in my heart, I still vomit in disgust as I relive two years of sexual cruelty and evil by an adult who is a personification of the mythical Satan or Devil, however there is no mythical Satan or Devil to blame this evil on, this evil comes from the mind of an inhuman, human monster.  This kind of evil is an evil that develops in a mind of insanity, a violent insanity.  I do not care if he himself was abused, that neither relieves my torture nor justifies or excuses it, I suffered at the hands of evil and did not become evil myself, there is no excuse for what happened to me, there is no refuge for evil to excuse itself from responsibility, there is no haven for evil.  I still get dizzy as I think about it, I still wretch in the real, bodily sense, I wretch until there is nothing left to bring up out of my gut.  I get pounding headaches, not from disease or injury, but memories of those horrible two years, I wish I could forget, I will never forgive, I am under no obligation to do so, it would not help my soul or mental health anyways.  Yes, I know I should be grateful to be alive, and I plan on staying alive, suicide would be, is, an unacceptable surrender to the memories of the torture I endured, I will not surrender to evil, past or present, I will not walk into the empty darkness forever by my own hand, I plan to die like anyone else.  So I will push on, seeking solace in friends and companions who care enough to love me, my family is not included in that group of loved ones, they are dead to me, they let this happen, I will not forgive here either, I am under no obligation to do so.

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