Monday, March 7, 2016
A poem by Gary G Pelow, Spring.
Spring is moving in fast, early in this March of 2016, the snow and frost are turning into rain and warmth, there is a longer and broader daytime as the sun rises earlier with each passing day and sets later and later. I feel better this time of year, less enclosed by four walls in the close quarters of winter, there is more room to breath, to take in more sunlight, these things ease my psychosis, depression and anxiety as well as my fear. Oh, I will still have bad days of depression, anxiety and fear, but they will be fewer and I will feel stronger in coping with those bad days. I am cursed as my mother and sister were by psychosis and madness, but unlike them I will not be killed by it, nor will I kill because of my madness. My sister Mary ended her suffering abruptly with a shotgun, my mother destroyed herself slower by the bottle. I can not die like that, I must not quit this life, there is always a new spring of hope that both comes and goes, but a pattern that is never ending in its cycles. I am alive, I will stay that way, or at least I will not die by my own actions of self destruction. I may feel alone and scared sometimes, even terrified, but I am more terrified by quitting this life, the idea of giving up like my mother and sister did makes me want to vomit in disgust. I AM ALIVE, I WILL STAY THAT WAY, nor will by bad days ever be an excuse to harm others. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I AM ALIVE, I have the power and ability to rejoice even as confusion sets in, there is always a part of my mind that sees reality clearly even if most of my waking brain and mind can not. I am alive, so are you, I hope you stay alive, you are all children of reality, we all are, and spring is coming.