Tuesday, March 15, 2016
A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Rage In Me.
I am alone today stewing in my own rage and anger, I do not know how to deal with it, I am truly alone, I lost my temper in public, I was ashamed over this. I do the best I can to control my anger but often feel attacked and a need to retaliate against the offender who has made me angry, I do the best I can. I am in the drug store, I accidentally knock over a display, the clerk gets angry with me, she warns to me watch my tone with her, I tell her to go fuck herself, I leave the store in both anger and shame, I do not like losing my temper in public, but I felt trapped, a need to retaliate with the same disrespect that I perceived was given to me by a rude, bitter old woman, filled with hate and anger. Verbally I showed no mercy, I sought verbal revenge, I called the store to call the clerk a cunt, my anger was not abated, I am still shaking in anger, fear, and guilt, an odd combination of emotions to aggravate my psychosis, I do not like anger or rage, given or received, yet the impulse is strong is to seek revenge, sometimes that impulse is stronger than any other, I seek only peace and yet receive nothing but hateful anger and rage which I return in equal measure, I seek revenge, I seek it now and immediately, to do it quick and strong, I hate that bitter old woman at the drug store, who the fuck is she? I can not stand the rudeness in which I was treated with without retaliating, I am still enraged, not to the point of physical violence just to verbal revenge.