Saturday, March 12, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Pain.

The pain in the gut hurts hard, the anxiety deepens the pain, the delusions are also the cause of this pain.  The pain is sharp and not dull, it pierces my abdomen like a hot poker, this mental illness works the pain of both mind and body, it also makes my head pound with pain, a horrible, unrelenting pain. This schizophrenia causes pain that is persistent and distracting, I have tried many painkillers of various types to no avail, my pain is cutting and throbbing, I have gone to the doctor and they say the pain is all in my head, that does not make it hurt less, if anything this dismissive attitude makes the pain worse, and the physician is of no help.  I struggle through my day in suffering of mind and body, with no end or respite in sight.  When I am angry, the pain deepens and worsens, When I am irritated the pain worsens, as it does with anxiety, fear and depression.  This pain is hard to cope with, control or manage, I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs in pain and hopelessness, but I do not, I suffer a silent pain, untold or unmentioned to others around me.  A chaotic environment adds to my suffering, constant change and the anxiety it causes are a part of my pain, I do not do well with a constantly changing environment.  I seek just normalcy, and just consistency, not even happiness, I just want the physical pain to stop, happiness is an unattainable thing, I just want respite and relief, that is not a lot to ask.

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