Thursday, January 28, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, My Heart.

My heart is racing and pounding, it struggles against the cigarette smoke and caffiene tablets, my drugs of choice, I am shaking like a leaf from them.  My addictions are strong and not minor, caffeine in a psychotic can bring paranoia and fear, the nicotine brings cancer and emphysemia.  I struggle with these chemicals daily, my brain is a soup of drugs and chemicals, my brain has learned to function only in the presence of these chemicals and my heart and lungs get weaker.  I cough as if I had tubercurlosis, but it is sputum brought on by smokng, I feel my heart pounding in my chest, I fear death, I do not want to die, yet we all do.  I feel weak and dizzy as I walk, I do not know how to stop, I got rid of alcohol in my life, but yet I can not seem to break away from caffeine and nicotine, although I am at risk of early death, my heart can only take so much.  I am in a trap, one that I set up for myself, I chose the first cigarette, I chose the first coffee and caffeine tablets, it is no ones fault but mine.  I am shaking, I am tired, I am exhausted, my heart and pulse pound in my ear, I can hear the pulse near my ears, I can hear it.  My paranoia increaeses with each tablet, each cigarette, I am destroying myself and do not know how to stop.

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