Friday, December 30, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow. Drugs and Me

For many many years I have used chemicals to influence, balance,  control, moderate and manipulate my own mind.
The first choice ever that I made with a drug happened when I was twelve, I went to the grocery store and bought a package of 200 mg caffeine tablets and I swallowed six of them.
I did this to try and lift my mood, I was only 12 and did not know any better, I took in 1200 milligrams of caffeine.
The first thing I began to notice was rapidly increasing anxiety and then sheer panic and trembling set in, my body began to shake violently and vomited continuously.
I got my younger brother out of bed and told him he had to awaken my father to take me to the hospital and all the while I was vomiting in my fathers car nonstop.
The doctors ran tests for drugs and found nothing, those blood tests did not include trying to detect caffeine.
As my vomiting got worse the doctors started to believe I was having an appendicitis episode, they were getting ready to cut me open and remove my appendix when there was nothing wrong with it.
So, I reluctantly told the doctor and my father that I had ingested a large amount of caffeine for a twelve year old, They gave me medicine to control the vomiting and they refused to give me a tranquilizer to calm me down, they left me shaking in my own pain and discomfort.
When I was in a state run psychiatric hospital at eighteen the drug of choice for the doctors was Thorazine, they really pumped  with the stuff.
It was for my temper outbursts, all I really got from it was restlessness that gave me a constant feeling that I was jumping and crawling out of my own skin for twenty four hours a day.
I also had many run ins with booze, pot, black hash and cocaine. These things just made my psychotic mind even worse.
When my father died in 2005 he left me thirty eight thousand dollars after taxes.
I promptly began to use the money to order illegal prescription drugs including amphetamine diet pills, tranquilizers like Ativan, Klonopin and Xanax.
I ripped through all thirty eight thousand dollars to zero cents left.
I have taken many different, legally prescribed drugs for many different ailments.
I was popping for depression, I was popping for anxiety, I was popping for Schizophrenia, I was popping for paranoia and other delusions. I was popping for hallucinations.
My mind has become a chemical soup, many different drugs were and are still in my brain, I would not know anymore how to cope with life without these chemicals saturating my brain like water in a sponge

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Combat Veterans and Mental Health

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Antitheses

I am the  Antitheses of sanity, my mind is crumbling, it is breaking into pieces, it is no longer whole.
I see people around me everyday and if they could read my mind they would find muddled confusion.
My thoughts are racing in all directions and nothing is solid or strong or enduring, everything is transient and unstable.
I see and hear things that are not their for other people to know of or experience, I live in a cave.
I am the Antitheses of normalcy, I have no wife, no children, no family to bond with, I just have insanity.
My brothers and sisters, all eight of them have children and grandchildren  and I have nothing but psychosis.
The empty bubble I live in is empty and devoid of all good things and its outer shield is strong, it keeps out family and friends.
I am the Antitheses of love, I hate everyone, both known and stranger, I despise my family, I despise myself.
I once struggled to be normal, it was important to me to try to be like and fit in with my high school and college friends.
I drank alcohol and smoked weed, all in an effort to be with the in crowd and I failed at it, and even now I still do.
I have never fit in anywhere, for I am the Antitheses of friends and friendliness, I am the Enemy of love.
I am the Antithesis of good health, my mind is weighed down by depression and  psychosis, my body is weighed down by vomit and pain.
I wallow in my bed on a dirty mattress covered in the dust and excrement of dust mites, I am always sick, vomiting everyday.
I am the Antitheses of greatness and importance, I am small and insignificant, no one sees me, I am invisible.
I sit here in the dark, it is winter and it is cold, I am nauseated all of the time now, I am disease.
I smoke my tobacco in lonely isolation slowly poisoning my body and making ill health even worse.
I am the Antitheses of beauty, I am ugly and revolting, I am ashamed to go out in public, I am alone.
I am the Antitheses of courage and strength, I am a coward who shakes and trembles in fear, I help no one, I do not put myself at risk to help or protect others if they are in need, pain or trouble.
I am the Antitheses of you, I have no friends and you do.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Evil Never Stops.

It is endless, it goes on and on without respite or relief, the pain is continuous and never ending.
I can smell the evil in this world, the stench is pervasive, it seeps into all areas of my life ever so quietly.
I am afraid and I do not feel safe, I am afraid of many different things and people I see as evil or malevolent.
I am suspicious of every sound and noise, every creaking sound makes me nervous, every loud noise makes me jump
I walk down the street and I can see evil in everyone's eyes, It seems so real and vivid, the presence of this evil.
I try ever so hard to fight it, I struggle endlessly against it and I do not feel like I am winning the war against this evil.
This is not evil from Satan, no, this evil comes easily to and from human beings, the evil in this world comes from people that need no help to be evil, Satan is not real nor a good excuse.
When people commit acts of evil they are doing it of their own volition, they make a choice to do this.
I look at my three room mates in disgust, they smell of this dripping evil, they are soaked in it.
My family as well is from the dark places of evil, they were never anything but cruel and were liars.
My sister smelled this evil in my family and she was filled with despair, she blew of her face with a shotgun.
That will not be my response to evil nor will violence, I will not become evil because of evil, I can do better than that.
I am so very tired of this stench of evil, I can not breathe clearly.
It is Christmas today, a waste of time, there is no God, there are no Gods, Satan or demons, these are childish fantasies used by adults who are to weak to cope with life and its evil.
I use to think like a Roman Catholic, I use to think certain things like sex or music were evil and an offense against God and Jesus.
These things are not evil, they are normal parts of the world, they are a natural part of us as human beings.
The real evil keeps secrets and tells things to no one, its intentions are hidden, they are cloaked in darkness and deception.
I am growing weary of this force that surrounds me, I do not want this struggle anymore, I want it to stop.
And what of me? Am I evil as well? Am I no better than they?
I am human and I see humans as being evil, so I guess I am evil as well.
There is nothing good left in my heart, it has all been crowded out by this evil that will not stop causing me pain.



Saturday, December 17, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Sword of the Dharma

I am greatly confused, my mind is running in all directions, my thoughts are cluttered with delusion.
My paranoia grows stronger and stronger, I can not even leave the house thinking they are spying on me.
I hear voices, disembodied, though not real it feels as if they are real and I am frightened.
My medications, my drugs from western medicine are suppose to help reduce the fear and symptoms of psychosis.
My anxiety is born out of both psychosis and anxiety disorder, I am to afraid to go to sleep.
I have strange violent nightmares in my sleep when I am not crushed by insomnia.
The medications and drugs do help to lower my fear, panic, anxiety and fear and psychosis.
But the medications could be a ball and chain, they have side effects that are the price of psychosis being alleviated.
I once sought answers to my pain and confusion from God, in any form, any religion.
I wanted to believe that Christ could heal me of my insanity and delusion, I prayed to Christ for years and in many different ways.
I was Catholic, then I was Baptist, then I was Pentecostal, and then I was nondenominational.
Christ, if he exists, did nothing, my confusion and pain did not settle down or reduce through Christ.
I did not even try Allah of the mid-east, In that story I saw only violence and Islam with its own version of psychotic actions and disturbed minds, their confused, muddled, fanatical religion and God would not help me.
I sought unity with God in any form, any form that had a ring of truth, I wanted to believe that I was special, that I would find God and be under his care and protection.
But I started to ask questions.
How could the Bible or any Holy Scripture with its creation myth be true in how the world and Universe came into existence when I know of evolution and science and reason.
There are many things in people's Holy Books that are wrong or unproven.
I never saw Jesus walk on water, I never saw Lazuras rise from his tomb, I never saw wine from water.
I never saw Mohammed ride a winged horse to heaven.  I have never seen the Catholic apparitions of the Virgin Mary.
Finally, I came to the conclusion there is no God or Gods in any form, and I rejected the supernatural of any kind, there is no proof of the supernatural.
I AM AN ATHEIST.
This path turned out to be the most rational path for me and my psychosis, religion only muddles the mind into delusions of God, demons, superstition, and the fake claims of religion.
Being  an atheist was only half of the story of trying to reign in my insanity, I rid myself of childish fairy tales of an imaginary friend in the sky and I became less confused with something still missing.
Accidentally I came across a video on the web, a video of a man that supposedly been born and died five hundred years before Christ with no proof of this story either.
So, I read up on the Buddha and beliefs of over 450 million people.
I learned of reincarnation, rebirth and an endless cycle of pain and misery in an infinite number of lives in many forms, I rejected these as myth and legend.
I read of Kharma and its constant mindless role of the Universe to deal suffering to those who cause suffering and reward the compassionate with compassion.
I dismissed this as another unproven legend.
But even with the rejection of the supernatural in the Teachings of some schools of Buddhism there was something else.
The Dharma, the teachings and ideas of meditation.
I began to see what Buddhism really is if you strip it down to breathing, just breathing.
Staying in the moment, being aware of now and learning to control some of my insanity, Buddhism is a psychology and science of the mind 2,500 years before Freud.
I began to see a way to concentrating my mind through the sword of the Dharma, meditation and self reflection and disciplining the mind\
I was without the childish fairy tales of God, the supernatural of any kind.
But now I had a way to being more calm and rational, a way to control my mind through concentration on the present moment and learning not to spread suffering and to show compassion to all sentient beings.
Part of good mental health is breaking away from anger, bitterness, fear, resentment, grudges, retaliation or revenge.
I learned as my compassion for others grew, the calmer my mind became.
So the Dharma in my mind is science of the mind used for over 2,500 years, there is something to it.
I am less fearful now, less delusional, less psychotic.
Oh, I still take my drugs and chemicals for my mind, but what the chemicals could not do I did through concentrating on the moment, compassion for others and just being aware and not causing suffering and in many ways reducing the suffering of others and forgiving my enemies.
Anger is a feeling that is natural, but it is deadly when chronic and unchecked.
So, I am a Buddhist atheist.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Race

What is a race, I mean who decides?
I am told I am white, others are told they are black.  Different races right?
If I see a Chinese person on the streets of New York City in China Town is he Asian or Chinese?
Most Americans would not know the difference between a Chinese person and a Japanese person, to us they are kindred spirits, they are of the same race, Asian, right?
I think the Japanese and Chinese would disagree they are both of the same  race, they do hate each other.
Even before and during World War 2 the Imperial Japanese military invaded much of Asia.
When they conquered large parts of China and Manchuria, the Japanese killed ethnic Chinese and Manchurians by the hundreds of thousands if not millions.
The logic in the Imperial Japanese military mind was that the Chinese were a distinct and inferior race separate from the Japanese race.
The Japanese, so they were told by their Emperor and generals, were a superior race over any other in Asia, those not Japanese deserved either slavery or extinction.
The Chinese for their part were not much better in race relations with its neighbors or defining what the word race even means.
After the Reds took China, Red China took Tibet, partly on the idea that Tibet rightfully belonged to China but also on the premise that Tibetans were inferior to the Chinese race, what ever that means.
The Nazis for their part saw the so called Aryan Race, or the Nordics, as being a superior super race, not just whites in Europe in general, but just the Aryan Nordics.
As far as Hitler was concerned, other whites were inferior and could go fuck themselves.
To the Germans some Jews may look white or Aryan in every way and still neither be white nor Aryan.
Are Russians or Poles any less white than the French or English?
Hitler saw Eastern Europe as a set of nations of the inferior Slavic races.
Actually Eastern Europeans are just as white as anyone else in Europe.
So my question to any racist in any part of the world would be this, going back to the basics,  WHAT DOES THE WORD RACE EVEN MEAN AND WHO DECIDES WHAT GROUP OF PEOPLE MAKE UP SPECIFIC RACES?

Saturday, December 3, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Right Wing

The left has been betrayed, it has been taken over by  left wing fascists.
The left was once a champion of the poor and minorities, the disabled, gays and the marginalized.
They were once classic liberals fighting for the universal concepts of voting, democracy, free speech, freedom of the press and freedom to peaceably assemble in protests, universal suffrage, no discrimination based on race, religion, nationality, color or creed.
Classic liberals wanted a no discrimination state of equality for individuals getting the same and equal opportunity to try to succeed based on their skills, merits, and  hard work.
The left once wanted individual freedoms for individual people and not just groups of people.
Now the far left, the progressive left, has become a danger to freedom and our Constitutional Republic.
They are in the streets today and in  the past three weeks were violently protesting a fair and legal election of a one Donald Trump.
They are marching in the streets calling for the assassination of police officers, and five officers were executed in Texas, in an atmosphere of calling for violence by the left.
There were black teenagers dragging white people out of their cars caught on cell phone video and brutally attacking with punches, kicks, and other extreme violence just for the fact they were white and possibly voted for Donald Trump.
The far left has taken over many universities and colleges, screaming at public speakers they did not want to speak because they did not agree with their opinions.
The far left has used bomb threats and tripping fire alarms to try to break up or stop a speaking event that they, the left, disagreed with.
Left wing Marxist university professors have seized control of campuses and the young minds there.
The left has many extremist elements of third wave feminism, social justice warriors, Marxism, Cultural Marxism, identity politics, intersectionality , collectivists, and left wing fascist thugs burning cars, cities and property that does not belong to them,
These street thugs are the storm troopers of the left, just without all of the Nazi Storm troopers uniforms, their tactics on the left however are  the same as the 1930's storm troopers, using violence, fist fights, beatings, rioting and clashing with the political opposition.
The left has been betrayed and now the far left are beginning to understand they are beginning to lose ground and power both socially and politically, so they resort to violence, threats, intimidation, public shaming to stop their opponents out of desperation over the fact they are losing.
And so it goes, the left ignores issues like Islamic terrorism, Muslim countries killing gays in public hangings, the oppression of women and violence against them in Muslim countries.
The left pretends it is fighting for groups of the oppressed, blacks, gays, women, Latinos, transgender people, bisexuals, lesbians, Native Americans but the left ignores the violence and murder of women throughout the Muslim world, feminism does not seem to care about women in backward Muslim hell holes like Syria, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and all the rest.
Well this betrayal of the left and with the far extreme left ignoring important issues like terrorism, people are turning to the right, to discuss and try to solve problems the left has abandoned.
The left ignores the mutilation of the genitals of young girls in Muslim countries, yet pretending to be fighting for the rights and safety of women and girls.
The right is growing, they are tired of being called racist and fascists, they are tired of fascist violence from the left.
The right is gaining ground throughout the West, and the leftists made it happen.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Denise

I was at Old Westbury in 1990, I was there to study Spanish education,  I wanted to be a teacher.
This was my third year of college, I attended two years at Fulton Montgomery College in Johnstown, New York, then I moved to the Old Westbury campus in 1990, to begin finishing my Bachelors degree.
I remember  Johnstown with affection, it was a small college tucked into the hills and rural area of the foothills just before the Adarondac mountains.
Fulton Montgomery was a quiet place of green hills and fields of grass and flowers.
I remember jogging around the campus, I nearly destroyed my knees, I gave up running.
I did however have mental problems, I was nervous and scared most of the time of my being there at Fulton Montgomery.
I loved the nature around me that was gorgeous, it helped ease my fears, but not completely.
I would often get depressed and suicidal, it was a strange world to live in, to be surrounded by the beauty of nature and still be miserable while in the middle  of nature.
And so I finished my stint at Fulton Montgomery and chose to move to Long Island to the Old Westbury campus to begin my third year of study, .
This was a unique and beautiful campus, 600 acres of woods and nature surrounding the campus, I remember the early mornings as I went to morning classes the birds in the trees and the smell of nature.
Yet I was alone, alone in the romantic sense, I yearned to fall in love, to be with my soul mate, the love of my life who I believed was out there somewhere waiting for me.
I tried to get the attention and interest from some of the girls who were students there, I had no luck, I was still alone.
Out of desperation I placed an ad in the Village Voice, a New York City paper not to far from Long Island.
The first responses I got were dead ends, I had contacted no one of interest, I began to despair of my loneliness.
However, I got a letter from Harlem in the city, it was a hand written letter describing herself and what she was looking for.
We exchanged several letters, her name was Arlene Denise Crockwell.
We talked on the phone a lot and in one of those conversations I got angry and hung up on her, I thought that was another dead end.
I had forgotten though that Arlene already had my address, I put it as the return address on my letters to her, and keep in mind we had never met in person yet.
Out of anger and rage Arlene took the subway and the Long Island Rail Road to my campus, she even had the number of my exact room location.
I was watching television in a deep abyss of loneliness when there was loud banging on my dorm room door.
It was Arlene, called Denise by her family, she was a black girl from Harlem, a world and place that was so different then my own world.
My initial anger toward her abated and we talked and I gave her a tour of the campus.
I went to Harlem a couple of times to see her and meet her family, she was adopted.
For some reason her mother packed up all of Arlene's clothes and threw her out of their apartment into the streets.
I could not let her be homeless, so against campus policy I hid her in my dorm room.
I searched for a place for her to live, I called women shelters and homeless shelters in general, there were no takers.
As the weeks passed and I was gaining no head way in finding her somewhere to go, my room mates became more angry that Arlene was there.
There was only one solution, to leave college and return to my home town of Rochester, NY.
There me and Arlene found an apartment together.
I was in love, this was the person that was waiting to meet me by fate, she became the love of my life where no other woman in my future could replace.
We had been through much so much together and then we were blind sided, everything changed, in 1991. Arlene, Denise, was diagnosed as HIV positive. AIDS.
She had amazing strength and fortitude
They, the doctors, told us as Arlene started to show symptoms of AIDS that she would be dead within a year, 1992.
This did not happen, not in a year anyway, Arlene, Denise survived another ten years, ten of the best years of my life, she was the love of my life that no woman could match.
She died on April 13, Friday, on Easter weekend 2001.`

Monday, November 21, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Trump Card

They are screaming in the streets of the big cities, they are storm troopers of the fascist left.
A lawful and valid choice has been made, the nonviolent transfer of power is a mark of American Democracy.
The hallmark of the United States of America is that a lawful election be held and the outcome be accepted.
But there are animals in the streets of America, petty and violent youth who are pampered and spoiled.
They beat people who may have supported The Trump Card, like the storm troopers of Hitler who gathered in public to beat opponents of Nazism and fascism.
The far left in the west has lost its way, it has become a violent, fascist mob of feminists, social justice warriors and liberal regressives.
They yell and scream and accuse the Trump Card of being racist, misogynistic and a homophobe and islamaphobe.
The fascists are calling other people fascist while they beat opponents who dare speak freely and vote by their conscience.
These left wing fascists are burning our cities, our property, they are committing crimes in the name of a warped definition of social justice that must be defended with violence and by the oppression of the mob to destroy and injure opponents.
There are homes, cars and cities burning, our businesses are set ablaze by these fascist of the left who do not recognize in themselves the very thing they accuse of others being.
The Trump Card has been called Hitler and worse by his political, racist, and violent political opponents.
The young hoodlums and thugs of all races and backgrounds who are clashing with police are tools of paid and not so spontaneously created, organized violence.
Black Lives Matter, the third wave feminists, the communists, the lefties, the Cultural Marxists, they are paid for rioting in the streets, even though they themselves do not see they are pawns of elite billionares who for whatever reason fund and incite this violence on the streets of our cities and nation.
Soros comes to mind, he has funded the riots and its organized movements to the tune of three hundred million dollars.
He, and those like him, are paying for chaos and violence that is contrary to the very American ideal of the peaceful transfer of power without a coup, assassination, or riots and civil war.
For we are falling into civil war at the hands of fascists that do not see themselves as fascists.
This I fear is more organized and more sinister violence than that of the protests at American colleges in the nineteen sixties.
These new anti Trump Card rioters are dragging the USA into a civil war about to be fought on the Streets of the USA.
We who love The Republic and its democratic ways and norms will not stand for this violence.
We have opposed them in the ballot box and won without violence, their left wing movements are starting to die and they know it.
They lash out with violence to try to beat those who have won the day in voting.
The left has been caught in their acts of violence on videos that spread through the internet and You Tube.
They are filmed fighting with the police, and they are sometimes are arrested and prosecuted with the proof of modern internet videos.
I urge All Americans who support The Trump Card to not respond with violence, we have no need for that because we have already won.


Friday, November 18, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Asshole

There he is, that fucking enemy of mine, an old and horrible human being.
He avoids responsibilities that he is obligated to fulfill and he is an old and useless mouth breather.
I yell and scream at him and he does not listen, and he does nothing to be an adult.
He is a lazy piece of shit, he is a blemish on the ass of humanity that thinks he is special.
He does not clean up his own piss and shit in the bathroom, he has others to do his bidding.
He enrages me to the point of almost becoming violent and sent into a rage, I am screaming as loud as I can and he does nothing.
He is an arrogant fuck who believes he has no commitments to other human beings and individuals.
He harms others by his inaction that reflects adult hood and decides instead to act like a fucking child.
He sits there and consumes from society and never returns anything to society, he produces nothing, he is a parasite, a useless eater.
I seek to make him do that which is right and considerate towards other people that he has fucked over.
He is an animal with a foul stench, he does not bathe, he reeks of filth and all that is contaminated by the obscene.
I write this while in a rage, I try my best to not kill him, and I will not kill him, I will only fantasize about it.
I wish I could strangle this useless animal to death, I am angry and disgusted by him, I want to vomit every time I see, hear or smell him,
I an filled with hatred and malice toward this insect, this tiny bug that shout be stepped on by someones boot.
I find it difficult to ignore him in his defiance of me when I ask him to act like an adult and not a petty child.
He accuses me of wrong doing and he tries to blame me for things I am not doing or did not do.
I am being drained both mentally and physically of energy and strength, I am exhausted by my rage over this piece of waste.
I do not know what to do, I am enraged by this asshole, I am alone.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Annoyance

He is so fucking annoying, always begging for cigarettes, money, food and coffee.
He does not have any fucking common sense, he borrows money and then pays it back and has no money left.
He expects me to give him shit that he should get on his own and I have to live with this beggar in the same house.
He knocked on my fucking door last night at 2 in the morning, I could not get back to sleep after that.
This childish little fucking prick deserved it when I yelled, screamed and swore at him.
I tried to reason with him calmly that he can not keep begging for things from me that he thinks I am required to give him.
I am not a fucking supermarket, I am not a fucking corner store that people come to buy groceries and cigarettes.
I am not required to supply this dumb fuck with anything, I am not rich nor can I afford to support his habits and desires.
He is like a fucking child that can not seem to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions like borrowing money and keeping a rational budget, he is a fucking 50 year old child, he is a jackass.
He will probably whine to the landlord that I was mean to him, that I yelled and swore at him.
The landlord already knows this fucking man child keeps begging me for shit, the landlord knows the truth of the situation.
I have little patience for immaturity and stupidity in a grown man, he is like a horde of flies that pester me and will not go away.
His stupidity is annoying beyond belief, he fucking accuses me of being crazy for swearing and yelling at him, threatening not to talk to me anymore, like I really fucking care about that.
I have enough problems of my own with my schizophrenia and my own money problems, I do not care what that stupid fuck accuses me of.
I am tired and lethargic, I got very little sleep last night and I am very irritated,I have no more patience for this stupidity and actually I have shown more patience then this fucking asshole actually deserves, I have gone out of my way to be patient with somebody who acts and thinks like a fucking child.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Tide

There is a growing tide in America, a tide that is dark and suspicious.
For many years in the United States politicians have been bought and paid for by the big banks.
Money is the motivation for would be politicians who are running for office, not the good of the people.
People are sick and tired of the lies and the deceptions brought on by elected officials in the USA.
There is a tide rising in the United States determined to push back against the corruption in government.
The corruption is coming from many directions, there have been trade deals that have destroyed American jobs and the middle class.
There are left wing third wave feminists and Multicultural Marxists and social justice warriors who have  ignored the abuse, torture and murder of women and gays in the Muslim world.
The feminists scream about rape culture and hatred of women and the patriarchy that oppresses women in the West.
These feminists enable the importation of Islamic fascism from the Muslim world into the West while ignoring human rights abuses by Muslims in Muslim countries as well as Muslims who have emigrated to the West.
The far left regressives have become psychotic over non existent Islamaphobia in the West, the word Islamaphobia has no meaning or substance, it is a word that does not exist in any dictionary.
Similarly the far left has called people racist for fighting against Islamic immigration, terrorism, rape of Western women, and the Islamic fascism that is rising in the West with the open promises by Muslim fanatics that their goal is to turn western democracies into Islamic fascist states.
There is a rising tide against this insanity and cultural suicide in the West and The United States.
People are pushing back against the left and their unwitting plans to destroy western democracies by importing fascism, rape, murder, theft and homophobia.
The tide has already begun in western Europe in Greta Britain in the form of brexit.
In two days the people of the United States who are sick and tired of corruption by money and the importation of fascism are voting.
This tide has brought about Donald Trump and his courageous stand against Islamic terrorism and his opposition to import it into the United States.
People are tired, angry and weary.
Donald Trump has a good chance of winning the USA Presidential elections. I hope he wins.
I am not afraid of Donald Trump, I am afraid of Islamic fascism and the left wing fascism rising in the west that is based on the racism of identity politics.
I will vote for Trump, I am sick of the world view of fuck white people, they are the cause of all evil.
No evil comes in the form of Islamic fascism and the violence of the western far left that wants to silence its opponents by intimidation, shaming publicly people that disagree with them, and are trying to silence freedom of speech, I say fuck this shit, I am voting for Trump.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, America

America is splintering apart with the help of traitors, with the help of terrorists in our midst.
These new terrorists are not of the Muslim kind, although they are real enough.
No, these are terrorists from the left, they seek to destroy freedom of speech and charge you with thought crimes.
They masquerade as civil rights groups and in fact promote racial hatred while accusing others of that hatred.
Black Lives Matter is a terrorist movement that pretends to want to save black lives from police brutality, when in fact BLM is a group that openly calls for assassination of police officers and are in fact responsible for recent murder of police officers that have been executed in public.
BLM is guilty of this by the atmosphere they have created steeped in identity politics and inflamed racial tension artificially created for chaos.
There are left wing extremists  who bully and threaten those who do not speak or think like themselves in their hidden, fascist, leftist terrorism including brain washing and indoctrination the minds of our youth.
The social justice warriors, feminists, and Cultural Marxists seek to control the way you and your children think.
They want you to think fucking over white people is okay and they teach white children they are worthless and evil.
The mantra from the left wing regressive racists is the same, over and over, FUCK WHITE PEOPLE, FUCK WHITE PEOPLE, FUCK WHITE PEOPLE.
Feminists are willing to use violence and terrorism to force people into believing the conspiracy of patriarchy.
Feminists like Clementine Ford from Australia have openly called for violence against men.
College campuses throughout the Western democracies are having freedom of speech crushed by threats, racism and violence and by bullying the faculty and students on campus that do not agree with their filthy left wing fascism.
I am afraid for The United States.  I am afraid for all of the West. The fascist ideology and fake religion of Islam is pouring into the west at the invitation of people like Merkel and Ford.
If we do not resist these terrorists, they will control the government, that has not happened yet, but we are headed down that road of fascism of the left.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Living in Fear

Do you know what it is like to be terrified all of the time from things and people and demons that do not exist?
The demons screech in my head, yelling threats and vulgarity at me, I am trembling in fear.
The black phantoms fly high in the air to show me pure evil and blackness, they show everything that is an empty abyss.
I wander into the tunnels in the bowels of the Earth and I am pursued by monsters in my dreams.
My mind is collapsing, my reason and logic are failing me, I am swimming in an ocean of chaos and mortal fear.
I pace for hours on end, back and forth in a space no larger than 3 feet long, I pace to the point of exhaustion.
They are outside as I pace in fear, they are spying on me and planning to pursue and kill me.
I have no hope of escape, no matter where I run to the demons pursue me, I am never safe from danger.
I wander like a gypsy looking for a safe haven, a place where I would be protected from evil beasts and I find only more screaming voices and demons.
I feel like my enemies are no more than a few yards away, plotting against me, they are close but invisible.
Everywhere I go I see men on the corner or across the street following me to intimidate me, to drive me to suicide and violence.
It is getting darker and darker in my soul, mind and brain. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
God also has a lot to say in my head, He threatens me with hell fire and damnation, this God is no better than the demons he created.
Such a God is unworthy of love or attention from those he created, he is to evil for that.
I have been living in an ocean of evil for fifty one years,  My father ignored my demons in my head.
I grew more unbalanced with every passing year of my childhood and puberty.
No one sought me to get help, a father and nine brothers and sisters that were useless to me.
Now I am an adult living with psychotic demons all the time, so fuck you my kin, and fuck you God.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Fire

The fire is burning in the political landscape of the USA, accusations are flying.
Trump has been called a racist and mocker of the disabled, Hillary has been called a crook, thief and liar.
There are republicans that are siding with and voting for Clinton, never Trump they call out.
These republicans believe it is better to throw the party under the bus because of he who was a joke has arisen and no one is laughing anymore.
I feel a need to do what is right, I am not an alarmist, I must vote my conscience.
I see the West falling fast into an abysmal collapse at the hands of Muslim migrants in Europe.
The West in Europe is having epileptic fits accompanied by rape, child molestation and sexual assault.
There is violence and ongoing terrorism taking place through out Europe, some migrants have been bold enough to tell the truth about his own intentions, to colonize Europe and make it an Islamic continent.
This nightmare has been created by the likes of German Chancellor Merkel, who has abandoned all reason and has taken flight into a psychotic fantasy world of multiculturalism.
The European Union is seeking its own genocide through mass immigration from Muslim countries.
I see why Great Britain has voted to leave the EU, it is a madhouse of violence and rape made legal.
Perhaps there is hope for Great Britain to not be over run by Muslims who seek to kill, rape and dominate the West.
The fire in Europe that is burning and destroying free speech, civility and reason can come to the USA, we are not immune to the convulsions ripping apart the West.
I must vote for the fire that is burning in the USA and is on my side and yours if you love freedom and hate fascism in the form of Islam.
I am voting Trump, he is basically honest about his past and rightly says Hillary Clinton should be in jail.
Clinton will flood the USA with terrorists, rapists, and suicidal bombers who hate the West through her proposed immigration policies, she is a traitor and a criminal.
The West and its glorious civilization are at risk, we need leaders like Donald Trump.
We need people who see the truth even if they do not speak eloquently, they still speak the truth.
I would rather hear a lot of honest bluster than dishonest eloquence.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow , The Woods

I remember my time in the Adirondac mountains in upstate New York, The sky was alive with the stars visible in the darkness that was like black ink.
We canoed in the day time over the crystal lakes, we ate mighty mush and pepperoni, these things lasted without any refrigerator.
The nights were dark on the ground but the lack of city light revealed the universe to us in the sky.
We slept without tents,we were really trying to rough it, this was camping without a motorized camper, no we did the real thing, not the fake camping where you have a kitchen in what you are camping in.
We were a group of mentally ill and nervous people, this trip was not easy, we did have a professional guide
but they did not have an experience of leading the mentally ill through the dark mountains and in the day time mountains as well.
At night the natural noises of animals and crickets was like a lullaby to soothe our tormented minds.
We had to make this trip into the woods to show ourselves there was more to life than just depression, anxiety, fear and psychosis.
We learned that there was a completely new reality that was not limited to hearing voices and seeing things that were not really there.
The mountains were a powerful antidote to hallucinations, depression, anxiety and psychosis.
We were free in the hills to look up at the Milky Way at night that was a soothing force of nature.
The physical exercise was a strong distraction from our symptoms, we were mentally ill but just for a while were free.
We climbed or rather hiked up the side of Mt. St. Regis.
When we got to the top of this hill, we could see in all directions the lovely scenery of the natural world all around us.
The top pf the mountain was clear of any trees that allowed this view of nature.
In the woods we were free.

Monday, October 10, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Starvation

There is the pain of hunger that permeates the under belly of society, it goes unchecked.
There is hunger in a world of abundance, there is a dirty little secret of poverty in our midst.
I see my room mate losing weight and going hungry as other people more fortunate like myself are fed.
There are a myriad number of reasons this hunger exists in a land of the filthy rich.
Some people have mental problems or other medical issues that keep them from work.
My own emotional problems run deep and strong yet I have more than many other people.
My father was a navy man that worked for more than 40 years after World War 2.
He built up a bit of personal wealth and Social Security Income for his retirement, and then he died.
He left behind 9 adult children living and one dead by suicide, his work was hard and he never failed us.
When I started having severe psychiatric problems I was 18 years old and have been in and out of many mental hospitals over the years.
There were benefits I received from my father's work history after he died from Social Security.
I have often faced hunger myself over the past thirty years, I have seen the bottom of the barrel of life.
Yet I am more fortunate than most, I have enough money to eat and live in relative comfort.
I see people struggling to have enough to eat or clothes to wear in the winter, hunger bites harder in the cold.
It is early October, the air is getting chillier, the days shorter and darker.
I eat at some of the local churches more for company than any actual need for food.
I do though see the desperate hunger in people at these churches, I have seen 200 pound men and women drop in weight to as low as a hundred pounds.
It is sickening to see such suffering in this country where the supermarkets are packed with food, and only some benefit from that stored up wealth in food.
It is cold today, and it feels colder when you are hungry and your stomach burns and your flesh is reduced by hunger.
I have lived on the edge and fringes of society myself and I have been cold, hungry and on the streets.
There is the ironic tragedy of hunger, most hungry people are not homeless, they have a place to live and not enough food.
This is disgusting to me and it is the reason I am an atheist, any god who might exist that allows this suffering is unworthy of praise or worship, instead such a god deserves rejection by those he supposedly created, fuck him, he has, if he exists, fucked us.

Thursday, October 6, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow Buddha

The Buddha is not a god, he did not claim to be a god or son of a god.
The Buddha is a guide through life, but you are your own master, you bare the responsibility for your own life.
He, the Buddha, is to guide you through life to help you reduce suffering, however you must first admit  you are the cause of your own suffering, as well as the suffering of others.
You are not responsible for the pain of the entire world, but you must see you add suffering to this reality.
The Buddha went to extremes to find peace, torturing himself and starving himself, almost to he point of death.
The more pain he felt however, he grew further and further from inner peace and enlightenment.
Extreme pain, he found does, does not give any insights into reality or its true nature, nor did it bring understanding or compassion for others or for oneself,
That is the thing though, enlightenment and an insight into the true nature of things comes from compassion, for self as well as others. It was no longer needed for the Buddha to wander the country side tormenting himself to find knowledge and peace.
Mara, the symbolic god of evil, lust and temptation tried to tempt the Buddha into lust and confusion, yet the Buddha was victorious over these temptations.
It must be said here that Mara, the tempter, was not a real god, but a symbol of the Buddhas own battle within himself as he sought enlightenment and peace and victory over his own mind and body.
The Buddha was rejected by other holy men and shamans because he gave up on self torture as the road to peace for self and others.
The road to enlightenment and peace for self and others begin with you, you are the master of your own  self.
There is Karma in the universe that does not have a mind or god that controls it, it is simply an inherent part of nature and the Universe like light or gravity, it is neither good nor evil.
However, Karma does deal out justice of a sorts, you cause suffering of others and Karma bring that suffering back to you.
If you have compassion, and compassion is the basis for all Buddhists, if you relive their suffering, then that too comes back to you.
So the Buddha found the middle way, neither torturing himself nor drowning himself in hedonism, the key to enlightenment, the key to understanding reality, is compassion,



Tuesday, October 4, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Brisk

The brisk air is here today in this October day. I feel less motivated by this weather,
Like so many others I would rather cover myself with blankets and ignore these cold days and forget my obligations.
My obligations are not many, I have no children or wife, but the obligations I do have I would rather postpone or ignore them this brisk fall morning.
The Sun keeps appearing and disappearing behind the clouds, as if the Sun can not make up its mind what the weather should be for the rest of this day.
I am more tired on these cold brisk days, I have less motivation in these darker days.
I have to fight myself just to get the fuck out of bed, it is so god damn cold outside.
If I go anywhere to day I must pedal my bike in this cold fall air.
I am drowsy and weak, I am very lethargic today, I have to force myself though any action I take.
I am bored and closed in these cold days, I feel isolated from other human beings because everyone is inside, trying to stay warm.
Either that or they are forcing their ways through their actions and obligations, no one likes this cold nippy weather.
There is so much to do and I have no energy, but I do my thing, as it were, none the less.
I try to work hard and play light, but either one feels more like a burdensome task rather than a productive activity.
The cold air is coming, it gets colder and colder with each passing day and I move as if I was in molasses.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Foundations

The foundations of my mind and soul are cracking under great stress, I am alone.
I do not like people, they frighten me and they wear on my patience and the foundation of my life.
The foundations many people have to support and anchor their lives in reality, I do not have.
I have no children, I have no job, I have no wife or even a girlfriend, my foundations are few and weak.
I seek stability as best as I can in the sparseness of my supports which are very few.
There are friends that I do have, they are one reliable foundation, sometimes they are the only ones to keep me supported.
I am an atheist so neither God or his fake followers are of any use to me, they are worse than stupid, they are deluded by an imaginary friend in the sky.
I have no patience for fairy tales, even the Bronze Age ones of the Koran, Bible and Torah or Talmud, they are worse than useless.
My brothers and sisters are of no help, my sister committed suicide and the rest just spout platitudes .
The foundations of my life that are real and steady are my psychiatrist and psychotherapist, they are at least consistent.
My medications are a foundation, they have been for 32 years, I would die like my sister without them.
People question me about the wisdom of living through chemicals and brain biochemistry, to them I say fuck you, I am not obligated to suffer because you disapprove of my meds.
I use meds like any modern convenience, like a car and airplane, brought to you by science.
My meds come from science, if you will not give up your car or plane, why the fuck should I surrender my meds to your disapproval?
The foundations of my sanity are often twisted under incredible forces, I do the best I can to stay afloat and sane.
The foundations of my life are not marble mountains, but card board pillars, that with moisture or water will collapse.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow The Church

The Church, that is all Christians, say they act in the name of God and Christ,
They give food and shelter and clothes to the homeless and poor.
They say they do this in the name of God and Jesus, they care because they believe in God they say.
They believe they act in the name of God, implying that without a belief in God they would not act for the poor.
The Church also says they visit people in the prisons and jails to show God's love.
This implies that they would abandon the incarcerated if they stopped believing in God.
The Church says they are bound to moral behavior  by the mere existence of God, He Has them in chains.
This implies, as someone once said, that without God Or Jesus or religion, they would become violent criminals who are psychopaths without their God, they imply that God is the root of their moral behavior.
Those who say that morality and ethics only come from God, they must ask the question, which God?
The morality of Allah is not the same morality as Jesus or his supposed Father in heaven.
The morality of Hindus is not the same as Muslims or Christians.
The Buddhists have their own definition of virtue and non virtuous behavior, their version of good and evil.
All of these groups of faith claim all moral behavior comes from God and is universal for all human beings.
They conveniently forget there many Gods are in conflict over the definition of what are good or evil actions.
So there is war, war over who has the right moral behavior and  actions, they wish to force the issue of good and evil by force and war.
So who is the true God? The gods that create poverty and war? Is it Allah who puts people to death by stoning those who offend Allah?
Do the Hindus have the same ethics, morality and behavior as Jainism?
If anyone of these Gods exist, they are violent and jealous Gods who are not worthy of worship and praise, As someone once said, such Gods are worthy of hate, and mocking, and derision from humanity.
Morality does not come from gods, it comes from the  inborn nature of humans, it is a part of evolution that has given humanity morals and ethics.
So fuck your Jesus, Allah,Vishnu, God, yahwey, Jehova, and any other name for your imaginary friend in the sky.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Human.

We are only human goes the old excuse for failure and mundane mediocrity in our performance.
We seek out excuses for our savagery and our violence, we want to dodge responsibility for our evil.
A drunk driver kills five people in another car, or a group of pedestrians, and seeks solace in being only human.
When the Nazis killed millions the individual soldier or SS member would cry out the excuse they were just following orders, that they are just human.
Ironically the Nazis were not human, they were evil savages with no moral compass to control their evil.
The Revolutions of both the left and the right collected excuses to kill people, the Russian revolution was needed said the Reds to make society more fair, more just, more equal. And then the mass murders began
in areas controlled by the Soviets.
Hitler rose to power on the excuse that Germany was imploding and sinking into a financial abyss.
It was.
However, Hitler went way beyond fixing the German economy or rebuilding an army.
He dove head first into mass murder and the top Nazis were either arrested or committed  suicide at the end of the war.
Those Nazis that did face trial excused themselves on the idea they were only human.
Pol Pot, he murdered millions and raped Cambodia on the excuse that revolution was needed to make society more fair, and after Pol Pot was pushed from power by Vietnam his followers said they were just only human and following orders.
Parents beat and kill their own children, or someone else's children, and then blame their evil violence on stress and that they are only human, they could not help themselves.
People riot in the streets in the name of justice, then they burn down their own and cities.
If we allow these excuses to exonerate criminals, rapists, child abusers, mass murderers, and war criminals,
then society will spiral into violence and oblivion, the human race will evaporate from the surface of this Earth.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Abundance

We live in a world of abundance here in the West, We have the internet at our finger tips.
We have food, shelter, and healthcare, we have cable and and dish television, even our poor.
We zip around at high speeds cranked on coffee  going about our banal errands and work.
We can walk into a giant box store and see food all in abundance, we can buy anything there.
Our homes are climate controlled with air conditioning and heat from electricity and gas.
We have our constant companions with us at all times, the smart phones, we are mesmerized by them.
We shut real people out to talk on the phone, we seem to prefer talking to our fellow human being by smart phones rather than in person.
We have become a world in the West of greed and arrogance, we forget what we have.
We complain to others how horrible our lives are, we take on the poor me victim status.
We talk frantically on our cell phones while driving and put others at risk for banal phone conversation.
We throw people the middle finger and yell at them when they cut us off in traffic.
We go full throttle and speed through traffic to get home as soon as possible to microwave our food.
We forget how lucky we are to even have these things, cell phones, cars, food, homes, microwave ovens.
We complain and complain while ignoring the obvious gifts we have from living in the free West.
If I were an African, or other poor person, and I went to walk through a box store in the West, and I was only use to hunger and starvation in my homeland, I would cry with joy at the amount of food there.
Yet we ourselves walk through these same stores over and over again and do not weep with joy.
Our abundance is taken for granted and we do not realize how we are fortunate to swim in abundance.
We have Western governments  that give food and money to the poor, and even the poor are ungrateful.
When we in the West are blind to our blessings and perks, when we look into a supermarket and feel no awe at the abundance there, we have become ungrateful brats.

Monday, September 19, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Curse

The Curse of the mind broken is a wicked thing to be had, it can drive you insane.
It is a curse passed from mother to son, or father to daughter, it is a torment of the soul.
I struggle through this biological curse, I am filled with fear and dread.
It comes with the territory of insanity to shake and tremble in fear and pain.
There is no known cure for this curse, there is no respite from it either, just pain.
This curse makes me see enemies everywhere in people I know as well as perfect strangers.
I take a risk when I go up to perfect strangers accusing them of following me and spying on me.
The curse of the mind that has been handed to me in biology of my mother is a fucking evil torment.
My sister had the curse and she blew her head off with a shot gun, she could not bare the curse.
As for myself I muddle through the curse with no suicidal or violent intent, I will not give in to such ideas.
I chain smoke because of this curse, to the point of nausea and vomiting, I have coughed up blood.The curse of paranoia and delusion drive me insane, everyone is an enemy, I trust no one.
I seek only peace from the torment and fear and horror and anxiety.
I am falling fast into a black pit of evil suffering, not hell as in God or Satan, they are not real and of no help.
So I write these words to soothe myself, to regulate, to control my thoughts and emotions.
I must also discipline my behavior and body, I must learn to be centered and in control, I must be enlightened.

Monday, September 5, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, My Sweet Clementine Ford, Feminist of Australia

Oh Clementine, you have been a nasty woman, you have no scruples to guide your behavior.
There is nothing in your world but your own voices and opinions you have no basis for.
You thrive on the hatred you have for men, your pride grows like weeds as you hate all opponents.
You edit out dissenting opinions out of your facebook, out of your twitter, you block and erase them all.
I want you to know Clementine, you are not a feminist, you are a left wing fascist out to destroy free speech.
People like you have successfully censored and destroyed freedom of speech on western college campuses.
Oh Clementine, you disgust me, you and your ilk, you live in a bubble of your own madness and psychosis.
Oh Clementine, your own voice echos in the empty space between  your ears, there is nothing logical there.
You thrive on hatred and at the same time you accuse your opponents of being hateful and racist.
Oh Clementine you are a disgusting malformation of feminism, feminism you have turned into fascism.
Oh Clementine, you hate men with so much gusto and do not see how fucking psychotic you are.
You are a vile spreader of left wing fascism and racism, things you accuse others of being.
Oh Clementine, do you not hear anyone but yourself, or are your ears sealed off to logic.
This clumsy oaf you are is becoming more apparent everyday, your psychosis of self is getting worse.
Oh Clementine, why do you do it? Why do you scream at and try to shut down your opponents?
You are a fucking disease Clementine Ford of Australia, you are rotting in your own feces and urine of your closed mind.
You try to shame and embarrass others who have the guts to not care what you have to say, Ford.
Oh Clementine, I see the rotting disease in your brain, your brain and mind are decaying.
So Clementine Ford of Australia, not the actress, but you the feminist, you are a hate filled liar and you know it to be true.
You are vile serpent who pretends to protect, blacks, the disabled, women, people of color, gays, and the LGBT community.
Your only aim is to use these people for your own power Ford, and your irrationality is becoming more obvious everyday.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Sick Bed

I sit in my own vomit unable to stop retching. the stomach is in convulsions and I am sick.
I am sick and tired of unseen enemies who are out  to hurt me.
When I am beaten up  and become a victim of violence or theft of that which is mine, I respond in pain and helplessness.
I get physically ill, and I vomit from anxiety and anger and fear and panic in a vicious circle of fear and vomit.
I am both scared and enraged about a great number of things, and I do not know how to solve my problems anymore.
Things are done against me and I vomit, sometime I feel better only after vomiting to release the nausea in my gut.
I have had my bike, my property, my brand new bike stolen from me.
I feel violated as mush as someone who gets stabbed or punched into their bodies.
This is not the first time that crime has touched me or violence the same way.
When these things happen, these crimes, I feel helpless and powerless and I would like to avenge my self
against those who have  taken from me that  which mine with bloody violence.
I have been stalked and have been followed, they who watch me and wait for the opportune moment to steal
from me my property I had earned.
I do not  understand these things that happen to me, these crimes of violence and larceny.
I use to run home every day as a child like a frighted animal running in fear from the violent gangs of my youth that tried  to make make me commit suicide or have a mental breakdown and that is what has happened to me.
I rotted a long time in the institutions of the mentally ill, those who were sicker than I am today or was then.
I am tired of the vomit and bile that erupts  out my of my mouth and eats away my teeth and causes tormenting of me and  my families and friends, this is the nature of their gang stalking, an organised campaign to harass and  try to kill me.They yell and scream in my head how I should seek revenge and violence against the thieves who harmed me.
I am still shaking in trauma and violence, I am a helpless victim, the police can not do anything,
They have done nothing but pit  me against my family. I still am vomiting.
My anxiety, worry, fear and loneliness are a constant now in my life, I am helpless and  no one cares.
My fake friends and family  have turned against me from rumors created by my enemies.
I am not even sure who the enemy is, I am terrorized by the unknown crimes from unseen adversaries. .
My mind is bleak, quiet and has surrendered to my to insanity and beyond, mission accomplished assholes;

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, No Understanding

I do not understand these changes, they are happening much to fast and to often.
I am drowning in an ocean of fear as I try to swim the new waters of circumstance.
People are coming and going, living and dying, reaching for goals, they move with purpose.
I am stagnate, there are no goals in my mind or soul, I am just drifting watching others go on.
I am tired and scared, and I do not know why.
Why is everyone running from me?
Why am I being abandoned again?
I hate these fuckers who come and go only to frighten me and confuse me.
They have lives and I have only existence, they are better than me, they are happier than me.
I hear their voices in the hall, of those leaving and coming in, they frighten me, I do not like change.
I hear noises in the hall, pounding and popping sounds that make me jump.
The Angel is leaving today, and I can not stop his departure.
I will be alone, I have no friends, I have no family that cares about my happiness and health.
I do not understand why, I understand nothing of these rapid, constant changes of people and events.
I am drowning in fear, I am denied a quiet, constant environment that is stable and makes some sense.
Nothing is  going my way, everything is spinning out of my control and I want to die, but have no strength to end it.
So I sit in this fucking shit hole, trapped, and there is no where to go, I am sinking into my own feces and urine.
I have been violated, beat up and abandoned by everyone everywhere, I hate these fuckers.
I hate they have friends and family and resent that I do not have the same.
I have no understanding, I am lost. I am confused.

Monday, August 29, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Empire

The Empire is shaking, its foundation cracked and splitting.
We are stretched very far and wide, our resources stretched, on the verge of snapping.
It was glorious to become an Empire, it proved we were masters of the world.
We proved our power and strength at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, we set the world on fire.
We have defeated many enemies of the Empire, but now we are losing to an ideology of Allah.
There are no normal battle fronts, there are no clear boundaries  to lose or defend.
This new war is a war of murderers killing people with fire and knives to behead people on video.
These fanatics are willing to die rather than surrender, how do you kill and scare those who want to be killed.
The caliphate is their goal and they might just get it through massive immigration to the west from the east.
Violence is only one of their tactics to over run the Empire and its allies.
Sweden is breaking down into brown chaos, Greece has financially collapsed, and England has been over run.
The Empire has used its weapons of war in this fight to kill from the air, to pursue the enemy with flying robots of death,
These machines carry death with them but no man or woman, they fly on their own, if shut down by the enemy, there will be no prisoners of war.
The Empire has bombed and obliterated many of the enemy, we have invaded their counties then we left.
Chaos broke out in the east, the Empire left behind religious fanatics armed by the Empire's weapons.
We have left the rugged terrain of Afghanistan and it has fallen into an abyss of insanity, there are no rules there.
Iraq is a bona fide world of confusion of Muslims killing Muslims because the dictator was removed by the Empire.
There is no democracy coming to these places, the savages of the east only want theocracy.
You can not give candy to those who only eat meat, you can not give liberty to those who seek death.
Liberty is irrelevant to those who seek to kill and subdue the Empire.
We are confused, we do not know what to do.
This war began on September 11, 2001, there are no lines of battle to be drawn in this conflict.
The Empire has tanks, airplanes with no pilots, soldiers in an army  meant to destroy armies with uniforms.
The Empire has nuclear weapons and no way to use them, there is no one country to nuke.
The Empire will not survive, at least not as we knew it.
It will be running out of money, and there are no nations left to give the Empire loans.
This will drag on and on with no end in sight because we must fight and not fight at the same time.

Friday, August 26, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Wind Makes Me Jump.

The wind makes me jump in fear,
I am strung out and tight as a tension line.
The fear has reached ridiculous levels, like a brush fire in California.
I see enemies everywhere, I think they are in front of my bus, or on it with me already.
They come in all shapes, colors and sizes these would be enemies of mine.
I do not know what they are thinking or what they are planning to do to harm me.
When I was a child, the wind made me jump, I  jumped in startled fear from its noise.
My shadow is with me always but so are my enemies, be they real or imaginary.
I can not tell the difference anymore, who is or is not against me.
Or who is real or not real.
I am trembling, I am alone in a violent,  nonstop, world of psychosis.
My medications and prescribed drugs give me temporary relief, but only for a time.
Meds and drugs do not clear away my enemies or stop me from imagining them.
These are countless spectres, they swirl around in my broken and terrified mind.
Will they bring violence against me even though I have not done the same to them?
I think they want to frighten me into silence, or actually want to kill me, I do not know for sure anymore.
The wind is still today, the Sun is burning hot on my skin as I walk down the street in fear and paranoia.
I am afraid, I am alone.
No one knows that I believe that people everywhere are trying to kill me, I have told no one.
The wind makes me jump, I hear it howling, I tremble in terror.
What is the solution? Violence? Panic? Hiding all my life like a hermit?
No, none of these things are acceptable.
I will go on, still marching through my life in fear and always jumping at every noise and always looking over my shoulder.
I have no choice, no one can help, I will spend eternity looking over my shoulder.
The wind makes me jump.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

A poem by Garry G Pelow, Rwanda, And We Did Nothing.

The heart of Africa, and the rivers were clogged with dead bodies like hair in a drain,
They hacked each other to death by machete. These were not soldiers in a war, these
were mass killers of their fellow human beings, sometimes the killers were children. Children in the role of victim or murderer.
Hundreds of thousands were dying, and we knew it, and we did nothing. We went to war in Iraq for 
blood oil, to protect our sources of fuel, for these things we were willing to kill for.
In Rwanda we did nothing to stop the killing, were unwilling to send American troops to end a genocide.
The rest of the world, especially the strong nations, are equally guilty by reason of inaction.
If there was no money to be made in protecting the weak in Dark Africa, we did not go in.
There was another time the world did nothing to stop a mad man. A psychopathic man who had 
a sick mind with notions of reducing his country to a primitive previous time of long ago, he was trying 
to have his country be thrown back 2000 years. His sick vision in Cambodia killed two million
people in the late seventies. And the world did nothing.  The one country who put a stop to Pol Pot,
these liberators of the Cambodian people, was an enemy of America. The Vietcong, in this our enemy 
became the hero. In Cambodia, no one else did anything to stop the torture and blood spilling of two million people, except for communist Vietnam, and even then there motives were not pure.
They too waited and did nothing for four years, and two million died, and we and Vietnam sat on the sidelines for four years doing nothing like the rest of the world.  
Even when the Vietnamese acted they did it to place a friendly face in Phnom Penh, an ally in the place of an enemy government.
In the Eurasian continent in the cold of Russia and at the hands of Stalin, millions died, about twenty million died and we, the world, did nothing.
American Natives and black slaves died in the millions, and most parts of the world did nothing to stop it.
In Red China, in the Great Leap forward and the Cultural Revolution, thirty million died at the hands of Mao.
And the world did nothing.
We pat ourselves on the back for stopping Hitler and the Japanese and their criminal acts, but most of the time, the world did not go to war to stop murder, we did it for our own interests. 
We are a bloody and miserable species, we humans.
Who are the worst criminals, the killers or those who refuse to stop them?
Is it more evil to kill or let others be killed?

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Schizophrenia coping vlog

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Broken Bones.

The confusion is sweeping our country down a road of destruction,
we are speeding to civil war and broken bones, we are fighting each other to the point of insanity.
The gays fight the straights, the blacks fight the whites, the black gays fight the black straights.
Do you not see the insanity of all of this? We are breaking down and burning our streets up.
There is so much violence and fracturing of society going on we may not survive, as a country or a world.
The meanness of humanity has always been there, for the past ten thousand years, but now it is stronger and more vile then ever.
The cities are burning and the police are dying or being accused of racist acts of murder, all of this egged on by the Black Lives Matter terrorist organization
The left is to blame for much of what is happening, they are apologists for race baiting violence and ignoring Islamic murder and violence in the land.
Fifty people get murdered at the hands of one Islamist and yet Islam is a religion of peace and Muslims are victims of racism.
There are viral videos online of black stalking murderous mobs hunting down and killing whites over imaginary police racist murders.
Most police shootings are justified and that fact is ignored, and the black masses react with violence when there is a police shooting, not even knowing the cop involved was black and the killing justified.
The bones of our society that hold everything together are starting to fracture and break, we are dying as a nation, based on lies.
There was once a great Civil War that nearly destroyed us, and we are again marching into a new inferno.
This does not have to happen, violence does not have to happen or be a solution for anything, nor could ever be a solution to anything, we are dying and convulsing to death.
I do not see a bright future, I see only a dying society being over run by animals and extremists, there is no hope when there are nothing but lies.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Planet of the Apes.

Black Lives Matter, the terrorists and their street thug foot soldiers are marching to kill you and me,
we are guilty of the crime of being white, the thugs of Milwaukee are burning and destroying everything in sight.
I am afraid to walk in my own neighborhood past seven o'clock, they will follow me, and beat me and stab me.
I am guilty of the crime of being white, I am blamed for the incompetence of the black community and its own members.
They fuck up their own lives, families, communities and then blame us, the western European, the white person.
They follow and stalk me because I am white and they can not fix their own fucking problems, they blame us.
I am sick of the fucking atmosphere of the Planet of the Apes these people have brought into the United States, they are like the movie with Charelton Heston, the former slaves become master and overlords that have no humanity, just brutality.
The people run around rioting and killing and destroying authority like the apes that learned to talk and burned down the civilization of humans.
You can call me a fucking racist all you want to, I do not care about those labels anymore, when you stop acting like chimpanzees and gorillas, I will stop being racist, what the fuck gives you the right to attack me?
You throw around violence and act like animals and you should be treated as such until you stop burning and destroying things and stealing shit that does not belong to you, stop doing that shit, then I will stop being racist.
White people are getting sick of this fucking shit, riots and violence over justified shootings by police of black criminals.
Three of these apes stalked and followed me home last night, these young apes were getting ready to punch, stab, shoot, rob and kill me.
Stop doing that shit, then I will stop being racist.

Friday, August 12, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Zyprexa zombie

I wander through life in a fog, a fog created by the likes of anti psychotics like Zyprexa,
there are other agents courtesy of the feel good doctor to block the pain of being alive.
My thoughts are muddled and racing non stop from one idea to the next, I do not know to clear it up.
Many years ago I walked the walk of the Thorazine shuffle, tripping over my own feet, unable to move forward.
There were other psych drugs that were a pain in the ass, Mellaril eliminated my sex drive and erections,
Halcion was a powerful sleeping pill that I do not even remember taking, I woke in my bed not knowing how I got there.
Apparently I was carried to bed after passing out on the coach in the day room,
I was offered Valium by the doctor and I refused it because I knew the score on addiction,
pills from a doctor can drown you in addiction without even realizing it was happening, pills of the drug store can cripple you like heroin or cocaine and other illegal chemicals, they are all equally dangerous and have the potential to kill the user or those nearby,
I am still a slave to nicotine, it calms me in the confusion and rapid pace of life and living, it is my crutch.
All peoples have a crutch, including you, you can not run from it, your crutch might be gambling, drugs, sex, booze or the need to have the love of another.
All crutches lead to atrophy of the mind and rob you of ambition, I get very use to my crutches and I am sick of it.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, My Rotting Gut

I am vomiting, I am nauseated, I am in pain, I am sick to my stomach, I hate this fucking world.
I am dizzy, I am shaking, I want to scream out in anger over pain and sickness and boredom.
I hate this fucking world, I hate my aging body and the sickness and pain that comes as I grow older and weaker as others stay strong, whining about all of this is all I have left, I have no love, I have no friends.
My two room mates are disgusting, loud, noisy and they carry a stench wherever they go, it makes me want to vomit, even when I do vomit to relieve myself of the nausea, the relief does not last, I wish I was fucking dead, yet I have no balls to make that happen, I want to tell everyone to shut the fuck up and leave me to my misery and weak sickness.
I threw up for the entire past week nonstop, I hate this fucking world of pain and nausea, I feel like I am in chemotherapy for cancer, my hair is falling out, I have no desire to eat, when I do I vomit, I vomit and vomit and vomit with no end in sight.
I am jealous of others well being, health, vitality love and friends, I have none of these, I am alone in my gut wrenching vomit filled existence, I am tired with no energy, just lethargy, I am motivated to do that which is needed to stay alive and nothing more, I hate this fucking world, I hate you and your smiles, I hate your friends, I hate your family, I hate this fucking world of vomit and weakness, I shake in disgust at my own ill health.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Living with schizophrenia

I am vomiting to day, I am sick to my fucking stomach, I forgot to renew my scripts and am paying the price.
My gut is rumbling with noise and nausea and my head is spinning in psychosis and anxiety,
this is the price I pay for not being diligent and not paying attention, also my paranoia is eating me up today along with my gut, I have the urge to puke, my arms and legs are shaking from missing four of my medications out of five.
Psychosis is a difficult thing to endure without anti psychotic meds that normally I would take everyday.
I am so very, very tired, so very, very fed up, I hate this inner gut nausea and puking.
I feel like I am on chemotherapy drugs for cancer where nausea and vomiting are normal and par for the course.
It is a horrible thing to not trust ones own body and brain, my fears and paranoia are strong today and I do not know what to do, I can only wait, wait until my scripts are ready and I well enough to go get them at the druggist.
I am constipated and in pain from it, I am shaking in all parts from the pain and lethargy, I am struggling even just to write this shit, my hands are trembling, like I am having a stroke or seizure.
My room mates are unaware of my suffering, there is nothing they could do about it anyway,  I feel alone in my pain and gut wrenching nausea.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Lost In The Wilderness

Many people are lost, they are lost in a chemical fog to ease the pain of life.
We all know of the addicts around us at every turn of our existence.
We see and here the booze addicts, the cocaine, the heroine, the speed and tobacco addicts.
They seek to dull the sensations of being alive because those sensations are filled with pain.
The alcoholic rots his liver and gut, you can tell a speed freak by the rotting of their teeth.
The cocaine addict rots his nasal passages, the heroine addict is breaking down his veins,
from the constant use of the needle, they must look for and use whatever veins not yet collapsed.
The angel dust user is often drowning in violent psychosis and hallucinations, they are using a chemical
that is only legal in any sense for veterinary medicine, a drug for horses and pigs.
The crack addict forsakes all friends and relative in order to smoke the glass pipe.
However, there are other people who are lost, they are less obvious to us.
They are lost in the addiction of legal drugs in pill from, the Valium, the Klonipin, the Ativan.
These chemicals are legal and addiction is hard to spot or notice it, especially when doctors enable it.
Often the person lost in the crater of pills is lost because they believe they are taking their drugs of choice to treat a mental disorder like depression or anxiety, yet they are just numbing the fear and terror of being alive in a world of violence, rape,war,and murder.
They takes these pills to combat the boredom and banality of their own lives.
America and the worlds citizens are being moved into a state of mental and emotional coma, they are
chemically created zombies who have lost all direction to high ideals and personal goals.
Sometimes doctors are the pushers, but they to can get lost, they become the addict lost to pills and injections, a self administered oblivion do to stress of watching the sick die or experience untold suffering.
It is to easy to become lost, to easy to cover that up and hide it.

Friday, July 29, 2016

DESIDERATA You Are A Child Of The Universe original version 6

A video response to Black Pigeon Speaks

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Hot.

The meds of schizophrenia raise the body temperature as the Sun beats down on the body.  This is not a new situation, it has been a danger to me for 25 years, the body over heats, water is drained and sweated out of my body system. The Sun burns the skin easier when there are anti psychotics involved, Thorazine, Haldol, Mellaril all over heat the body in severe sunlight and hot, humid air, on more than one occasion I have over heated to the point of dehydration and heat exhaustion, it is a constant fucking problem that comes with being schizophrenic and taking in these chemicals for treatment of psychotic symptoms, they do help, these drugs, but there are many prices demanded in return by these drugs in exchange for alleviating the symptoms of psychosis.  There is the constant threat of obesity and diabetes that left unchecked or undetected that could get your feet amputated. I have known many of my friends who took these drugs and did nothing in the way of physical activity or proper diet, so they sat there in an anti psychotic fog slowly getting fat do to the exhaustion of taking these drugs that slow you down, and also from the negative symptoms of schizophrenia that rob the mind and soul of motivation to do anything worth while and active.  So, they grew fatter, and fatter, they ballooned up past two hundred pounds, the two hundred and fifty then three hundred pounds and still have no motivation to prevent their own demise to obesity and diabetes.  I also gained a hundred extra pounds, but unlike my friends I was disgusted enough with myself and my health and my weight that I struggled to fight my way back to health and a proper body weight for someone my height of five foot nine.  I brought a tread mill with money my father had left me when he died, I was determined not to be become so fat and depressed their would be no going back to a healthy state.    I have seen my friends die early, from diabetes, from obesity, from suicide, among other things.  I have seen them die young at thirty years of age or forty.  I am now fifty years old has I write this and many of my friends are already dead form obesity and its problems.  I have survived beyond them because I could not just sit there eating potato chips in front of the television growing larger and larger until I died, I am here because I took responsibility for my ow heath and weight, I refused to blame the Seroquil, Zyprexa or Haldol.  I am still here, I am still standing, despite the danger of the Sun, heat and obesity, I am still here

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Decisions.

There are decisions to be made, peace is in the balance, it is also in the cross hairs of Islam, The United States is approaching another November, when we decide who our leaders will be.  Violence is burning down Syria, Violence is decapitating people in Iraq.  Islamic fascism is spreading beyond the borders of the Muslim world into the west.  Fifty LGBTQ people were killed in Orlando Florida, people are dying at the hands of Islam through out the West, France, England, Germany, just to name a few.  People are being murdered over cartoons and women are being sexually assaulted by Muslim men in the West who see non Muslim women as whores and sluts and less than human.  Democracy in the West is being destroyed by Islam and is being enabled by far left Muslim apologists who refuse to look at the naked truth about Islam, that it hates and kills and abuses, women, LGBTQ people, apostates, non Muslims, even fellow Muslims are being murdered by Muslims, the violence is insane when it feeds on its own like a dog chewing of its own tail. If they, these Muslims, are willing to kill their own, what kind of violence do they bring to non Muslims?  I think we have seen and continue to see the answer to that question in places Like France, Germany, and Great Britain and places like Orlando Florida.  Murder by Muslims and their Western fascist, left wing enablers, is spreading and becoming more common every single day.  The left of the West pretends with intentional blindness that Muslims are a poor, persecuted minority in the West and victims of racism and the non existent idea of Islamaphobia. Britain has taken a stand, it is planning to break from Europe as its own citizens become a minority in London, and the same in Paris.  We in the USA can also take a stand a stand against Islamic and left wing fascism, we can vote, we can vote for the apologists who bring more Muslim violence into our country, or we can vote for reason and logic.  We can vote for the filthy liars of the left like Hillary Clinton and the Democrats, or we can vote for the rational centrists like Donald Trump and the Republican Party.  Choose wisely America, otherwise your country will die at the hands of Islamic doctrine and filthy, evil violence.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Steve Shives Comments On The Police Shootings

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Sentient

Does a  tree feel anything? When you cut it down with a chain saw or clip its branches off with metal pincers does the tree feel pain? Is it aware of its own existence? A mind is needed to perceive both pain and pleasure.  Does a blade of grass cry out in pain as the power mower moves over it? Does it feel pleasure as it draws in essential nutrition from the Sun or takes in water?  A mind is needed to feel both pleasure and pain. When I eat a carrot or potato am I destroying a sentient being in the process? Is all life to be considered sentient? What is sentience?  The truth is plants have no ability to feel pain or pleasure, a plant has no nervous system, and not even the simplest most primitive form of a brain, if there is no brain or nervous system then there is no pain or pleasure, there is no awareness of self or any ability to make decisions, a tree or any other kind of plant just does what a tree does automatically.  It take in food from the Sun, it draws in water, it sprouts leaves, it grows in height and size, plants are alive buy do not know they are alive, like a human being in a coma, the person is alive but completely unaware of his own existence because his brain is not conscious of its surroundings, in such a person there is no awareness of pain or pleasure, the nervous system is not working properly.   So what of all life that are not plant life forms? Are they aware of pain and pleasure?  If you pull the wings off from an insect does it feel incredible pain?  Yes they do, every insect is sentient, every animal, every person all have at least rudimentary brains and some kind of nervous system and are aware of their own existence, yes insects feel pain and they are self aware, it is immoral to kill and torture any sentient being. In this logic one must conclude that any killing or injuring of a sentient being even for food is evil and immoral, we feed off the flesh of dead sentient beings and do not even think twice about doing it  If someone was to kidnap your pet cat or dog, then you would be upset if the kidnapper killed your pet and ate its flesh  Why the concern for dogs and cats and not for cows, horses or pigs? Something to think about.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Schizophrenia and meditation

A poem by Gary G Pelow, South Pacific

It began on the islands, a cowardly attack that killed over one thousand men, the Japanese had decided to pick a fight with an angry, sleeping bear, a bear that fully awakened would seek revenge and blood.  The United States did not want this war in the South Pacific,  it was thrust upon us by an empire that tried to cripple us at sea, they underestimated the Americans and their resolve to never surrender and their willingness to give the lives of their sons in the name of freedom.  My father, Richard was one of those sons, a son in the Navy, he was called to action and he bravely went to war, to fight those who had brought violence to a territory of the United States.  My father in his bravery went to war on a battleship, a sailor of courage and conviction, the conviction that the enemy must be completely destroyed until they totally surrender.  The South Pacific is a very large, watery battleground of the ocean, it is a place of great beauty marred by the blood and violence of man, there were many savage battles to move toward the main prize and goal, the Japanese homeland, the Island itself, this was the goal, to fight inch by inch toward the this prize, this victory was bloody and slow in coming.  Suicidal Japanese pilots not afraid to dies in the name of their emperor, it is not easy to fight an enemy that is not afraid to die and even looks forward to death and the eternal paradise and glory that they believe will come with death.  How do you fight such an enemy, an enemy that believes that surrender is not possible and death in battle would occur without surrender.  The brave Navy sailors and United States Marines fought inch by inch, mile by mile, island hopping to drive out the enemy who were entrenched in underground bunker or cave, it is not easy to fight an enemy that is hidden beneath hundreds of meters of rock and cement.  The Japanese were like an infestation of roaches, and sometimes the only way to kill those roaches under the rock was using a flame thrower, to burn and destroy everything alive in those caves and bunkers.  My father as a sailor said to see such things made him both angry and sad, he did not want this war, he did not enjoy killing other human beings, but this violence was needed to win and my father did not shirk his duty, he fought on the battleship, as the U.S. marines were spilling blood on the sandy shores of many islands that dotted the sea, victory no doubt would eventually come, but when? There were thousand of islands, a never ending sea, to fight on this battlefield was no easy feat, it would cost a lot in blood both for the Americans and the Japanese, both sides were being mauled to death by each other, even after the surrender of Hitler and his suicide in Europe ended that field of war, the Battles in the South Pacific looked like they could drag on for one or two more years with heavy prices to be made by America and Japan in blood.  Science intervened, it had created a monster of heat, energy, radiation, a terrible new weapon that was used twice to destroy Nagasaki and Hiroshima, that forced a surrender by Japan and the emperor was no longer a god in the eyes of the Japanese, and the blood letting was over.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Freedom In Fear

There is no freedom in fear, we are told that we have enemies lurking behind every corner and in every country, we are told to be afraid of everyone and we must fight to protect our freedom from peoples and nations all over the globe and we are pushed into fighting by an international boogeyman and we are driven by fear to fight him, otherwise we would not fight, we are egged on into a never ending , perpetual war.  We are told that our enemies are strong but ruthless and savage, we watch as the videos play on the internet, people being burned alive, beheaded, hung.  These savage images throw us into a panic, the enemy is coming to our shores and will do the same thing to us, so we approve the bombing raids on distant cities we do not see on the news, we are not allowed to see the destruction that has been done in our name.  If we saw the images, the dead children, the destroyed civilian populations burned to a crisp.  If we actually saw these images, we may not allow the violence done in our name, we are allowed to be afraid of our perceived enemies but not allowed to be afraid of ourselves because of the violence we cause and pay for.  Fear is only useful to our rulers when it provides them riches and power.  We supposedly are to be afraid of certain things and people.  We tremble in our shoes when we are told to do so, we pay our taxes and do not complain of the funds being spent on war.  Who is the real enemy?  I do not think we really know anymore who is friend or foe to our people and nation.  What happens if the enemy is our own rulers, our own government?  Can they be stopped? Should they be stopped?  The government has grown very large in the past one hundred years, everything we do is controlled and watched, we are under the watchful eye of our military style police. I feel helpless, I do not know who to trust or be afraid of anymore, I am saddened and confused, please just tell me the truth, who is the enemy, who are our friends.  I do not look to man kinds future with hope, our fear is destroying everything, it destroys cities, it destroys people, man kind is evil, violent and stupid, there is no hope.

Friday, July 8, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Dull

I have no patience for the dull and stupid people of the left or right, they both vex my soul with their two forms of fascism.  They pretend to be different from one another, one claims they are defending, the oppressed, the marginalized people of the world, women, women of color, gays, blacks, transgenders, Muslims, the disabled, and other neat little categories that divide people and cause conflict for no logical reason, these people of the regressive left are helping no one who is oppressed, the right fairs no better, they seek to divide by race under the banner of their racial superiority, or they say they are defending their culture from outside invaders and immigrants, these people divide people by race as well, the left and the right lead to the same path and end.  The motivations may be different, or said by either side to be different, but they stop at the same destination, a destination of crushing freedom of speech and dissenting views of those who do not agree with their ideology, opinions and world view.  The bullying and shaming and use of violence to crush enemies that do not tow the party line comes from the right and left, the shouting down speakers they disagree with on college campuses comes from the left and right.  What is so despicable about all of this is it is all done in the name of morality, from either the left or right.  The people who listen to them and join their cause are dull, uniformed and stupid, unable to use reason and critical thinking as individuals and instead they join groups whose members all think alike and to veer away from that as an individual is to be bullied, pushed away, publicly shamed and humiliated or even attacked with physical violence, just like the brown shirts of Nazi Germany or the black shirts of Mussolini or the secret police of Stalin, all opposition is crushed in the name of equality, freedom and cultural identity, but like Hitler, Mussolini or Stalin, the new left and right bring the same results and the results are  always the same, violence to end freedom of speech, destroying individual identity to destroy democracy and freedom of thought as well,  in the name of some vague, cloudy and murky and unspecified morality to protect the nation, the race, the oppressed and the weak, the different, the fearful, but there is no morality in any of this from the left or the right, just a future with concentration camps, genocide, violence, thought crimes and torture.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Turmoil

My brain, mind and soul are in turmoil, in psychosis, in confusion, there are those who would say my pain is no more or less than other human beings, they do not comprehend that suffering is unique to each person as is the experience of psychosis.  When I am disconnected from reality in a fantasy world based on psychosis, to me my suffering is the greatest in all of the world more than any other human being, I do not care about others when my pain blocks me from empathy and sympathy for others, I seek no solace for anyone but myself. My psychosis makes me selfish and disconnected in that way from others.  Once I broke my wrist, metal fasteners had to be put in to allow the bones to heal and to me, at that time, my suffering was greater than anyone persons  pain of body, I was consumed by my own suffering to the exclusion of suffering of other people.  When I am afraid, I care only to relieve my own fear, disregarding the fear of others, my fear feels like the greatest fear in the world.   I hate this fucking mind nature gave to me, handed down to me by a mentally unstable mother and a suicidal sister who blew of her own head with a shot gun, I blame them, for my pain, their filthy genetics of insanity dumped into my very being and existence, they had no right to allow me to be born, I would have rather that they, my parents, had aborted me, they knew what was coming to me and in store for me, my mental illness.  I will never forgive them, they do not deserve it.