Sunday, December 20, 2015


I am slowly on the move, a new age approaches, and I am afraid and alone.  There is no excitement over a new house in a new region, just dread and fear, I do not know why.  I am horrified I have chosen to do this now, but this time of change would have arrived sooner or later, with no less the fear and isolation.  The fear is so strong in me it creates physical pain, I am shaking like a coward alone. There is no one by my side anymore, neither woman or friend, I have driven them all away with my anger, wrath and fear.  My eight brothers and sisters are not here either, I broke them down with anger and revenge. I am scared, I do not know what to do, everyone is mad at me, angry with me, I am alone, I am in dread of new people and places, will they like me or get angry with me and abuse me?  I hate this world, it fills me with fear, I hate change, I hate people, I hate myself.  I am alone.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

A poem by Gary G Pelow, The Move

This time let us hope it is better than the last time, as I move to a new start, may the people be more rational and less violent.  May justice be on every corner, may there be no violence, or drugs.  Where I am now is untennable, I can not stay here in this social filth.  I must move on to better and cleaner roads ahead.  I can not tolerate this place anymore, fuck these neighbors of mine, these violent animals, I leave them to their own violence and death, there is no hope for them.  There is hope for me though, as I pass from one stage to another, one with freedom and calmness, one with reason and hope!

Tuesday, December 8, 2015


They are back to haunt me, those imaginary pursuers, those gang members, spying on me, following me to hurt me, to harras me.  I do not know what is real anymore, what is psychosis or not.  I am afraid to even to step outside to shop at the store, they are there, in the store with their cell phones, reporting on me trying to scare me, they are succeeding in this motivation, I am scared to be alive with those that are following me everywhere I go, I shake violently as I type this, I am afraid to be alive, I do not know what to do, I am helpless, no one cares, no one helps me, I am totally alone.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015


It is the dark period, the  part of the year that is dark, making the soul darker.
What is the cure for fall cabin fever? What is the cure for dark moods of emptines?
Jesus, I hate this fucking time of the year, things are slower, the mind clouds.
I hate people more this time of year, I have more vivid nightmares and imaginings
of the people I hate, those of violence against me from the past, those who have betrayed me.  I am tired and empty, tired of this fucking emptiness, and fear that permeates my soul.