Friday, September 25, 2015

Lee Carrol and the fucked up cult of Kryon, cosmic jackass

My favorite youtubers and atheism.

Daily dealing with schizophrenia vlog entry

A POEM BY GARY G PELOW, WAITING PERIOD

There is a waiting period for change to take place,
I do not want to wait, like a petulant child  I cry for time to hurry up.
I am sinking deeper into the dark and fast losing my grip in the dark,
there is not much time left before I collapse from sheer exhaustion of
waiting in the terrible, quiet heat, perspiring from this horrible heat.
The therapist has not called yet, there is yet no sign of what will happen, if
it happens, and when.
I am growing more angry and desperate everyday, I am sicker with each
passing day and no end in sight, they have got to call, they have to go
faster.  This fucking shit is getting more painful, I want to fucking scream,
yet if I did that I would be seen as a lunatic in the throes of insanity.
I  am not going to die though over this, that kind of surrender will not happen,
nor will violence, to give up and in to these two things will not happen,
I will never fucking surrender to anyone that way, so I will wait, wait in silence.

Monday, September 21, 2015

A POEM BY GARY G PELOW TIME.

There is no more time, the gig is up, the secret is out and about.
The truth of my situation has been revealed in its raw form,
there is no more hiding from the truth, I am mentally ill.
This has gone public, public on video, it is best that everyone knows.
If I meet that special soulmate, the one I will truly love,
there will be no lies or rumors about me she would have to secretly mine
through to get to the truth about me, it is in the open, publicly for anyones
perusal, to gain truth and knowledge about me, being mentaally ill
in my case is not based on hiding the truth or the information, with no secrets
there are no rumors, what they say aabout me in secret is not a secret
to destroy or sabatoge my reputation, I am free.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

A POEM BY GARY G PELOW, SCHIZOPHRENIA

I MUST YELL AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS,
SCREAMING AT THOSE WHO STALK ME IN THEIR GANGS,
THESE FUCKING TEENAGERS STALKING ME,
CALLING THEIR SUPERIORS ON ME,
MEANT TO MAKE ME COMMIT SUICIDE
OR GO INSANE FROM THEM CROWDING ME.
I AM TIRED, WEAK', DEPLETED OF ALL HOPE AND AMBITION.
I AM AFRAID LIKE I WAS IN CHILDHOOD PEOPLE BEATING ME UP,
FOLLOWING ME, GETTING READY TO ATTACK ME,
THE FEELINGS ARE THE SAME, I AM ALONE IN THIS,
NO ONE CARES, EVEN IF THEY DID THEY WOULD NOT NOR COULD THEY
HELP ME.

Monday, September 14, 2015

RE-UPLOAD - 10 Mind-Numbing Questions God is full of shit

A poem by GARY G PELOW, THE INPATIENT

There is a situation where I am like a prisoner in a guilded cage.
This situation does not fill me with rage in this cage, just impatience.
This is suppose to help me they say, with the struggle ahead I must face.
There is a choice I must make while I am in the cushioned prison, though it is not a decision to make as if  I were in a race.
This decision must be made carefully, it is to be approached with thought.
There are many factors to consider, many variations and points of veiw.
I often wonder about others who face this, are they strong and stoic?
Do they feel fear at this approaching dawn of electricity, are they heroic?
There is much for them to decide in the guilded cage of psychiatry.
In fear many people are of this fluid situation, as if there is internal struggle and anarchy.
Shock treatments are not easy to endure, there is no pain, just confusion and loss of memory.
So I will wait here, wait until it is finished and when I am well again.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

A POEM BY GARY G PELOW, THE WAIT

I am still waiting ever so impatiently for them to make contact, to make a decision,
I am very angry at their cavalier attitudes torwards my predicament, the mood
in me is only getting worse, my paranoia stronger with each passing day, I am
sitting here waiting for them to decide, to do my treatments or not, my feeling
of frustration is growing and growing, there has to be a decision, my future is
in the balance, my health on the line.
 I am tired and frightened by every bump or noise outside my door, startled by
the littlest of things.  I am growing so tired of this waiting, I am tired of people
looking at me suspicously, to see if I am doing any wrong.  My room mate stares
at me startled by every noise or move I make, like I am a burglar in my own home.
The treatments are coming, they will help me out of this rain forest and jungle
of fear.  There is controversy over these treatments, to this aproach to mental illness,
these electroshock treatments, but I have taken this journey before, safely I might
add.  There is no cause for alarm, there will no permanent damage, just recovery.
Yet I STILL HAVE TO WAIT PATIENTLY OR IMPATIENTLY, this seems unbearable, yet
I bare it. I bear it in hope of inner peace.

Friday, September 11, 2015

A POEM BY GARY G PELOW, THE RIGHTER

There is a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things,
but who decides right from wrong? That seems to me to be a dilemna,
after all even God can not seem to make up his mind about right and wrong,
he does not seem able to decide what his name is. I think of all his different names,
Allah, JESUS, GOD, YAWEH, JEHOVA, ELOIM, BUDDHA, KRISHNA, and so on.
Quite a confusing set of circumstances, these names and all, how could this God
decide morality, or that which is right or wrong, especially for me, and you!
I prefer to think of humans as being inherently moral and good, with out this
GOD person. I do not need an imaginary play mate that lives in the sky playing
solitaire to tell me that which is right or wrong, moral or immoral, GOOD IS THAT
WHICH REDUCES SUFFERING, both for humanity, the individual self, you see it is in our genes that contain both good and evil, there is that which reduces pain, suffering, the altrustic nature of all species to protect there own, both the group and the individual, morality in this sense is needed for physical survival of a species,
we do not need the imaginry Captain Crunch in the sky.

Monday, September 7, 2015

God's Top 10 Life Hacks #Jesus #God

A POEM BY GARY G PELOW, IMPATIENCE

I am impatient, waiting for it to come or arise into my presence,
they have not called me because they are at rest today, being LABOR DAY,
I am wringing my hands in worry and anticipation
I await my emancipation,
emancipation from the mental hell fire I endure everyday, the abscense of peace,
there is a chance it might get worse, and soon and not slowly, it may increase,
so I await in silence for them to start easing my pain, I want this horror to decrease,
if there is a chance this situation alive with electricity will help, I must proceed.
They will all be present at the beginning, the shrink, the nurses, to see my needs,
there will be the oxygen of life, the heart monitor set to intercede if need be,
I will be a sleep the entire time as we will begin to release the healing electricity,
there wil be no pain, just temporary oblivion as we start the electricconvulsive therapy to blunt and remove my mental symptoms.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline (6/8) Movie CLIP - I Am Pain (1996) HD #Rebecca Watson #skepchick.org

A POEM BY GARY G PELOW, THE BURNING

There is a burning going on, a burning of both  the body and mind, perhaps the soul as well, the sun todays beats down from the sky, burning the skin and dehydrating the body. The medications of the mind causes extra scourching of the skin, made more vulnerable by these meds of the mind.  There is also a burning of the soul and mind brought to me by madness, madness of the brain and its dysfuction, the soul is burdened by disembodied voices, that threaten and insult me, but with no power to carry out these threats, because those insults and threats are a creation of the mind, or brain, depending on your view of the world. I am sweating to day looking like I just got out of a swimming pool, that is how wet I am from sweat due to this demonic sun and heat.  I do feel relief inside my room, the sun is blocked in there, the heat controlled and beaten back by fans, relieved by potable water in a one gallon jug.
I wish there was such a barrier for my mind as well, but there is none.  There is nothing to quench the pain and mind in a one gallon jug. So, one day at  time.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

A POEM BY GARY G PELOW, FEAR.

I am filled with fear of all kinds, it seems like there is no limit to my fears,
I am so afraid of all events, afraid of everything, my mind is filled with imagined
problems, disaters and concerns, I know these things that I feel afrid of are minor, not real, not worthyy of panic even if these events, worries and concerns were real, they do not deserve my fear and worry. I am keyed up to hyperactive levels in mind and body, my hands are shaking as I type this, with so many errors.  My heart is pounding at high speed from these anxieties and preoccupations, my blood pressure is probably high from increased  adrenaline, this is not healthy to have my body assaulted by physical excitement all of the time, it is fucking exhausting to be afraid and angry all the time, adrenaliine is not meant to be poured into ones blood for hours on end, it is suppose to excite you and alert you temporarily when physical danger arises as a real threat, I do not think these threats of worry are real, but they feel as if they are.