Friday, August 28, 2015

Feminism Against Women Rebecca Brink, Flare and Fade, skepchick,rebecca watson, feminist frequency, anita sarkeesian


Why are people afraid of this? Why do they fear that which is not known to them?
I have done this before, it  is not new to me, it is safe and effective, a bad reputation that is from cinema and undeserved, yes there is indeed fear and misunderstanding
about this born of ignorance, born of not learning, born of not bothering to ask questions to learn about it, there is nothing to fear, no need for concern of my safety
or brain damage, I have done this before, this electroshock therapy, there is nothing about it today that matches it feaarful ignorant movie potrayals like the cuckoo, wish me well, we are all in a journey of knowledge.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

GREASE - "There Are Worse Things (I Could Do)"

A Flock Of Seagulls - Wishing (If I Had a Photograph of You)

Stand Up To Christian Terrorists!


There is a time in the past when I was happy, times that I rejoiced in life,
in the sufferinng of the moment, memory of these times are blocked by pain
as if they never happened, but they did happen, if you let yourself to remember
these times even in psychosis, especially in psychosis, the pain of the present
is lessoned.
I remember my nine brothers and sisters as children and me with them,
yes we struggled and fought amongst ourselves, but there was more laughter
and joy than there was pain, it is funny to remember the simple things of childhood,
like my red plastic skate board, or my Duncan yoyoo.  God knows there were good
times, even when I was physically tortured by a so called friend of the family,
Tony Cachamilio, I still survived by play and joy, that filthy man could never take that from me, I am getting better by any means needed.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

David Duke Debates Alex Jones (8-18-15)


A better day is coming, a day the voices can not stop, a day of freedom,
free of my own mind and the demons of psychosis aand confusion,
yes it is a difficult fight, a vision hard to see when all seems dead and empty.,
There is hope alive in determination, even in the face of incredible pain and
discord, how, may you ask does one fight his own mind, be his own worse
enemy and fight himself? There are weapons in this war, this civil war in your mind,
first is do not stay idle, almost anything done physically holds back the inner
demons.  Second understand there are no real demons, that is just a word of internal psychic pain. Thirdly, do not waste time praying to a nonexistent god or gods,
that is a fools errand, fourth, avoid violence or making threats of violence that bring prison for the mentally ill person, five take the pills or treatments given,  I TRIED SAILING ALONE WITHOUT MY CHEMICAL FRIENDS, I FAILED EVERYTIME.
Six for the love of god, do not sit idle and alone, it is better to move and be in pain from resisting your negative symptoms, moving in mollases, yet in the end the pain of doing nothing is worse and more tormenting.

Friday, August 21, 2015

AC/DC - Thunderstruck


I today begin the day with a solid form of courage in a  very frightening world,
yes I know some of you will complain, you will say I am only sugar coating and hiding the deeper roots of my insanity, you will accuse me of being unmotivated to get better and instead use a crutch to drag myslf through the day, not faceing my
problems deep inside my brain and mind and soul, a band aid you say, a stop gap to be lazy so as not to do real work into my mind, that is bull shit, for 25 years and dozens of therapists I have bored into my psyche for answers to my torment and came up with
facts that while true, did nothing to end my hellish torment of hallucintions and paranoia, Sigmund Freud, he was useless, although well meaning, in the whirl pool
of my psychosis, a brain disease of the material reality, not of talk therapy, words
will not cure or reduce my pain, no one has a right to judge me, the solid courage are medications to stabilize me so I can do the hard work.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015


There is nothing to be done, the schedule is empty
there are no important activities to engage myself with,
I am bored, stunted in spirit and motivation.
I seek out my addictions, food, sex, cigarettes, to compfort me for just a fleeting moment.
I walk in the hot sun, nothing to do, no where to go, no destination, just walking.
I fill the time with mindless endeavors online, on my tablet, my only friend,
it does not judge or insult me, it does not threaten me with violent harm, it uses
no violence or insults against me, this friend quietly does what I want it to do.
I wish it were alive, so I would have someone, something to talk to,
God my dreams and hopes are pathetic, to talk to a machine more then people
is not normal, it is a sign of quiet sanity, refecting from nothing to do, nohing stopping the banality of my life.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Why Christianity Is Immoral. fuck christians

Josh Feuerstein, Islam and other Holy Crap (Guest Video - Creationist Cat)

Manly P. Hall - A Second Look at the Law of Karma

Manly P. Hall - A Second Look at the Law of Karma

White Feminism vs Racist Feminism angry women of color united


I walk in the hot sun in Rochester, NY with fear thay they will hurt me,                            I do not know who they are, they are invisible enemies, people who spy on me, I have no proof of these unseen enemies plotting to destroy me, no empirical evidence of their existence, Jesus Fucking Christ I am alone and scared, I am alone amidst other people, no one cares, no one gives a shit, except the voices in me that try to tell me things, dangerous things, they grow louder, they are frightening me, I am awash in fear, I am totally alone, no one to share these hellish things with.  I am exhausted from physical shaking and hellish insomnia, which only makes my hellish psychosis worse, all roads lead to my own hell, both narrow and wide, all roads before me, I have no options, no respite, I must travel these paths in and out of hell over and over again.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

BBC Northern Ireland Bloody Friday Documentary


I am outside, sitting, doing nothing just, sitting in front of a store, a department store, thinking he is looking at me, threatening me with his eyes, getting ready to swear at me, getting ready to attack, to cause me violence, my voices in my head tell me he is quietly swearing at me, which I have no proof of.  I am locked into fear, delusions and hallucinations today, it has been worse in the past than this today, my schizophrenia and its signs, are pounding me down through fear, shame and guilt.
The more I want to scream, the more my voices scream at me with filthy vulgarities and obscene threats and name calling, my fucking head is spinning in pain and dizziness.  There has never been hope that I would ever be truly free and healthy in mind, at best I may achieve a peaceful quiet restrained psychosis as opposed to frightening psychosis, it is a matter of degree and imperfect solutions, yet that is all life has left me.

Sunday, August 9, 2015


The nerve of some people, the nerve they have to judge me, it is insane,
or is it just my own imagination that bothers me?
I am alone in the pit of darkness of anger and the fear of being punished,
accused, or raising suspicion of others to the point they have the nerve and audacity
to punish me, to humiliate me for imaginary offenses or accusations based on misunderstandings.
I try my best to do no wrong or blunder into mistakes causing the wrath of others,
perhaps I worry to much about the opinions of others, trapped in fear of them.
I only want to be left alone, I ask nothing more than that, I do not seek money, fame,
or the pain of others.
I just want all of you to leave me alone to my own private hell, I seek nothing else.
After all is said and done I am alone anyway, Arlene has gone into the eternal darkness.
Heidi now loves someone else other than me, we were together one month, than she was gone with the nerve to abandon me.
The pain and fear of being around others is getting intolerable, I hate humanity
and seek only quiet without bother or judgement of others.