Monday, March 30, 2015
Que es la diferencia de mi y tu? Es raca? Es la color de mi y ustedes? No creo esta importante, yo creo nustros diferencias son no importante, que es importante es mi y tu es caracter y nuestro son morales. Ideas de humanos son importtantes si realizar ellos la felicidad de humanos y la gente de mundo es creadoran. Yo creo en el verdad del gente de mundos es aquel la gente son simpatico y no mal esencial, yo creo aquel en el amore es mas importante de odios de otras personas de racas diferencias, amores parte de humano y es necesarion por el supervivencia de humanos todos y mi y tu, yo busco la felicidad dde racas del todo el mundo, por tu y mi, el real poetria de vidos es el poetra de amore, tolerancia de racasen todo es mas importante aquel el odio de humanas quien tienen racas diferntes, el color del piel e mi y tu es irrevelante a verdad de vidas y es importancia de esta.
Posted by Unknown at 8:34 AM
Saturday, March 28, 2015
I shake in my heart, the fear is strong, violence permeates the world, I do not know what to do, where to go. My schizophrenia riddled with fear of attack by imagined and real enemies alike, I seek peace of mind but lose a piece of my mind to panic. I am at a lost on what to do, will they yell at me today, try to control me as if I were a child? I am flustered and constipated in action by fear and panic, they think they have a right to intimidate me, to frighten me. I worry alot these past days, suicide is no option, nor is violence, I fear the consequenes of both, fear of death and prison and the unknown are inhibitors of crime and suicide, so I just shake with fear in my own loneliness, without others knowing, caring or understanding, this is a cold universe we live in, a world where if you fall down on the ice, no one helps, so I stay down, in dizzied confusion and fear.
Posted by Unknown at 9:45 AM
Thursday, March 26, 2015
I seek to be united with humanity, I seek to be friends with all, despite all of the racism and hate all humans of every color are guilty of, there is no use in a civilized society for hate, remember when you were told united we stand divided we fall?. All races must unite against the common enemy of lies,lies told and manufactured by all nations , religions and races. I SEEK TO CURE YOU AND ME OF THIS DISEASE, this disease of hatred and racist fables believed by so many to be true yet ring hollow with evil when examined more closely, by you and me. This foolishness must not be allowed to survive, this hatred has a twin brother of lies, the lies of religions of every sort that tells you to believe in fairy tales of fake gods and has you kill for them, these christians , muslims, jews, etc. must be stopped, they drench the world in violence in the name of their god, a god who if was real is unworthy of worship by you and me, hopefully allies in truth and peace.
Posted by Unknown at 11:23 AM
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
What are thee differences between you and me? Are they real, and if so, are they important or relative to anything that concerns our relationship? So many differences, of race, of sanity levels, of IQ, I seek your peace as well as my own, I am no good to myself if I do not do good for you. This is not born of the guilt over the white man's burden, just a recognition we are all human and red inside, red the color of life, it abounds inside of each of us but is ignored by us. Why do we focus on the irrelevant? Is it from fear? Anger? Confusion? Hate? May be there is no permanent answer to our problem, I can not see an answer among those who hate me for skin color of white, there is no one superior to others, yet our evil hatred continues on this evil base of racism. Is there a cure for the mental illnesses and twins of black supremacy and wwhite supremacy' or is it not illness of the mind, maybe it is just growing from the evil and callous human race.
Posted by Unknown at 12:02 PM
Monday, March 23, 2015
The dice is rolled, the next baby in line for existence, and life, a crap shoot, a spin of the roulette wheel, which child will be born to misery, to schizophrenia? No way to know, the outcome is not predictable until, at best, puberty. Is this gamble of having children with or without mental problems physical or environment? I see this delemna as physical, not of environment , but of bio programming, programming of the peptides, amino acids and DNA. I wish there was a way, a way to predict this, so much pain could end and for many life would be healthier, but we do not know, we know virtually nothing of schizophrenia and the like, unable to make more accurate predictions on who will be sentenced to hell on earth of mental problems, oh, some things have improved, choices are greater now, choices of treatments beyond thorazine and the thorazine shuffle , yet this does not reveal the causes of this mental hell, we can treat, but not know why in the first place.
Posted by Unknown at 4:17 PM
Sunday, March 22, 2015
We who are alive seek good beginnings, getting things and events kicked off at a positive note, we seek new friends and learn new study habits in college for the first time, we marry in hope and a positive attitude to keep love alive from begnning to end, we may write a scholarly paper with intense research before hand to make it work and be truthful from the beginning, we raise children, if done correctly, with no abuse or neglect, a bad start for the child in the beginning may cause irreversible mental, spiritual, and physical harm for life, yet I ask, what of new and positive endings, despite bad take offs and launchings of our activities, is it not possible to still end in victory? I think of World War 2, the Soviets, as Hitler's three million man army pours into the USSR, red army troops surrender in huge numbers, many of these died of starvation in german captivity, the future looked bleak to uncle Stalin, he did not even react to Barbarosa, he withdrew into to his own psychotic mind for weeks, yet he gathered himself and marched to a destroyed Berlin, I think bad starts can increase bad endings but does not guarantee bad endings, hope is most useful when logic dictates despair, and warns us to quit, child abuse and neglect need not destroy the victim, indeed many humans have shown resilience in the face of abuse and neglect.
Posted by Unknown at 10:44 AM
Friday, March 20, 2015
Annoying and shrill, this is why I do not have children, their annoying crying is like a finger nail on a black board, my stupid room mate and his brat are here, they have been for three days, there is no peace at any place that has screaming children, the age does not matter, they are all distracting and bothersome. How did he do it, my father, stuck with ten children, ten snotty noses and stomachs to feed , he even did most of the cooking for this brood of brats. I do not understand the desire to create brats and to raise them, to much trouble if you ask me. The noise in this environment is not limited to noisy rug rats, my fucking down stairs neighbors are disrupting of the peace with their furniture and door slamming, their screaming and yelling, jesus fucking tap dancing christ, why does my landlord allow such chaos, at four hundred and eighty dollars a month, I deserve some peace and quiet, those down stairs have no more rghts than me, yet the landlord does nothing, I am powerless with no desire to be homeless, a real fear of many psychotics such as myself, I need stability and privacy, I have neither in this shit hole of an apartment and neighborhood, so I will save up, save a security deposit to move from ths vile location of noise, step by step ,I will deliver myself to a more sane place of living, I never give up on anything, I will be victoriuos.
Posted by Unknown at 1:31 PM
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
How do I begin to understand, the minds of corruption and lies in the cult, the cult of L. Ron Hubbard and those of his ilk? They are wolves feeding on insanity and loneliness of the masses, I try to understand why, why do people give time in years and monies in fortune levels to these evil dictators of false religions and faiths? There is no immediate answer to this question, how do psychopaths and liars control minds through false religions, or are all religions, regardless of the flavor, false religions? It has been my experience that catholicism, judaism and islam are no more legitimate than cults, if there is no GOD, and they know damn well there is no GOD, ARE NOT ALL FAITHS FAITHS OF DELIBERATE DECEPTION? Does the pope or imans or clerics have anymore credibility than Hubbard, Jones of Guyana or the japanese cult of serin? Is not all faiths are unproven, no evidence whatsoever to support the various fairy tales? I implore the reader to think, with logic, rationality and calm. The evidence of no GOD is abounding all around us, you and me, yet there is no proof or logic to the scary man in the sky.
Posted by Unknown at 3:09 PM
Monday, March 16, 2015
Is there a van out there? FBI survelience? Or am I just experiencing my psychosis? How do I know which is reality? Schizophrenia, a pain in the proverbial neck, quite a bother, masking reality like that, making life choices more difficult these delusions. How can I find peace in a world of the looking glass? Alice would know all to well this horrible schizophrenia experience, if she was real. Am I real? Are you ? There is no doubt somethings of delusional fantasy seem real enough, but are no more real than Alice's talking rabbit ith watch or the queen of hearts and her psychosis. I am fighting monsters in me, the monster/beast of confusion and uncertany, JESUS FUCKING TAP DANCING CHRISTS, why should I be burdened with these horrible interior experiences of my broken brain? Is it no wonder I think GOD is a lie, a fantasy, or at least , if he is real, vindictive , petty and cruel, unworthy of praise or worship that he demands of me? How fucking cruel and arrogant, this petty sky dictator, what is his game, this deity imposter? Well I march on, doing the best I CAN, keeping it legal and me out of jail, I have no desire to reach incarceration, so to the watching FBI, hello, I am not a doer of illegal things or violence, leave me to the misery of my schizophrenia.
Posted by Unknown at 3:34 PM
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Everyone has problems so they say, yours no more important theirs, this creates anger, this dismissiveness of a persons troubles, mine no more important than yours but not less either. I do not understand the coldness of some human beings and dismissiive cruelty, I say all problems are important equally, blacks no less than whites, whites no less than blacks, a spirit of cooperation can grow from equal importance, you see, this country must grow in to maturity, beyond selfish interests of all races, a black mans problems are mine, mine are his, together they are a powerful ally for each other. Do you not understand? The USA can not afford the childish immaturity of hate, we will grow up and beyond this racist mess, I urge you all to listen america, the future of humaanity is the future of all races, working together we can cure the evil of hatred in movements like the ku klux clan and the New Black Panther Party and their evil psychosis of hate, or perhaps more psychopathic than psychotic this hate, mental illness is no excuse for racially threats of violence from blacks or whites. Ironic is it not that Rodney King was right all along, getting along will never mean a system of perfections, but eternal and continueing improvement in love and hate can makes us all more noble creatures, as the Buddhists would say, let us hope for each other, not just ourselves
Posted by Unknown at 9:27 AM
Friday, March 13, 2015
The light is coming, coming torwards me, the light of hope, of restored sanity lost years ago in abuse and violence, it was not fair what happened to me, I was just a child, however a new light of healing is coming at me like a welcome long lost friend. I see hope, hope in the form of medicine changes for schizophrenia, a new hope in the approaching sun of spring and warm breezes, these things affect me, and you, we have a lot in common, you and me, our emotions rise up and down like waves of sea water, sometimes drastically, sometimes welcomed. I am hoping this will be powerful, this change in chemistry and climate, I grow bored of mental torture, of emptiness, The new season offers hope of this possibilty, reinforced by switching antipsychotic meds, this schizophrenia bores me, robs me of moving and participation in life, hopefully as the snow, wind and cold of Rochester NY, recedes into the backround of awareness, restoring my hope and courage to live, I am indeed excited, that lone is less boring, less influenced by negative motivation symptoms, we shall see.
Posted by Unknown at 7:37 AM
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
They are despicable, they threatan and insult me, vile, nasty strangers at the store, I did nothing to deserve ther scorn and threats. I push on amiss rage, fear and insomnia, shaking violently with anger and fear, my schizophrenia is pronounced today, more obvious than usual. I just want peace and friends, I have neither. I DO NOT become violent, or suicidal over these tortures, these strangers I do not know ridicule , threaten and insult me, I rage inside and am lost in fear, anxiety , worry and hate. FUCK THEM, how dare they, trying to coral, hunt, bother and kill me, they will not succeed, these evil, vile hated enemes. I write for you all, and to maintain my sanity and increase my inner strength, it is still there, buried deep below the hate, anger,rage and anxiety of my schizophrenia, I do not know the future, will I live or die? I hope for another 20 to 30 years of life left, no guarantees though, life is cruel that way, the karma of it all causes me intense torture and pain, may I learn from the dharma, my all sentient beings be free of vile hate, given or recieved.
Posted by Unknown at 8:17 AM
Monday, March 9, 2015
Almost here is the warmth of the sun, as March brings a time change and the day draws near, spring, meaning comfortable warmth, not the snows of bitterness for awhile, I am moody, nervous, excited, more sun means less antidepressants of artificial origin, instead come the warmth of our beloved sun, whom we quickly take for granted, we have such poor memories in this regard. I will gravitate torwards this welcome light of relief from pain, I will forget the ice that kills for a little while, my schizophrenia will be more tame and less obvious becuse of it, this warmth of March 2015, I write with trembling hands, not nervous this time, excited. The winter brought ice of death, the ice of falling and broken bones, specifically the rists, my wrist, broken into three free moving bones, repaired by titanium, permenantly holding it together, as the sun does for my mood, reinforcing the positive, reducing fear, despair and panic, I write my words in a frenzy of joy, about the coming season three weeks away, I am happy for now, content, times are good.
Posted by Unknown at 8:13 AM
Friday, March 6, 2015
Which direction do I go? There is no easy answer, there may not be one at all, and yet I still have to choose a direction, even if the choice of way is unimportant, because going in no direction is to die, die from boredom and inactivity. You see, no direction means no life, no friends, no career, no house or car, no family ties, if I make a choice to be a plumber, being the plumber is not specificly important, just the action of choice, any job or vocation, brings bizzynes and activity of the mind, heart and soul, making the decision is paramount, the act, not the choice, the alternative is to nothing and watch your life decay into just existing, or not even that, but psychological death. I would rather dig ditches with no purpose, rather than being idle with no purpose. You see me right? That means you have noticed my existence, my relevancy, relevant to you as a friend, coworker and ally, I choose a direction, because, like the rock group Rush sings in TOM SAWYER, by not making a choiice, you still have made a choice, if you do nothing, somebody else will act, and leave you desolate.
Posted by Unknown at 8:36 AM
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Today I trembling, violently shaking, I fainted in the snow yesterday, no help was offered or given as I lie not moving, dizzy unable to rise, I struggled in vain to get up, maybe a seizure, maybe not, I was frightened and still am. I tried to push my body up, off me knees to stand up, I only fell farthey and deeper into a snow bank, I fear this world , horrible nihilsm consumes me, no help was offered, think bout that for a moment , I was alone in crowded road, people were there, yet apparently I was not, out of their minds, even as I fall in lay in snow, mud, rain slush, I HATE PEOPLE, I really do, I help when I can, could you not have stopped to help, or at least call someone, an ambulance, anything? I GUESS NOT, evil cold people indeed, I DESPISE THEM, or some, I try to be upright and moral, they do not, those scoffers of my plight, I march on, determined as spring arises next month, maybe my cold feelings will melt with the ice, we shall see.
Posted by Unknown at 12:56 PM
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Hoy yo se muy nerviosa, tu veas el emociones de un animal en la peligrose , en el situacion de terible temores cerca muerte , Yo soy tembor con temblar de mi cuerpo y manos, my cuerpo en total es muy lisiar, es alli personas en el total mundo to ayuda mi? Yo soy creo en el idea aquel no otro persona conece mi dolores en mi corazon, yo soy solo total, con no amigos ayudar, un familia es frio con, mi en frio emociones son mas terible, mi padres son ambos muerten, aquel es no importante a mi, mi madre tiene mar amor por alcohol quel sus ninos, alli en mi mucho fiebre de intensivo, yo soy es enfermidad en un desero de solo , no otras personas conoce mi problemas, por que yo hablo nunca a mi amigos , mi familia, y mi enemigos, los enemigos tienen muchas mal emociones para mi, no amor de ellos, indiferencia aquel a el mas. Yo creo el ideas son loco y reciben mas mal deseos de otra personas, yo soy no tengo amor de ellos, la gente in mi mundo y mi imaginacion son los ninos de DIABLO , yo tengo muchos ideas por justicia, pero, hay se no ayuda de ellos, yo soy solamente en ese mundo, yo soy terible solo, yo soy no habla con DIOS, el no es real, ese dios, solo mi dolores es cierto real,
Posted by Unknown at 12:27 PM