Friday, November 20, 2015


The heart is hardening, the vessels clogged, the flow of life blood is apparently slower, there is no easy answer to the hardening of the heart.  I seek to have no pain, no heart attack, the heart is fickle in sickness and health, but more so in sickness, more likely to have an empty hole in the heart, not easily filled in.  I am in pain, my chest tightening up, a great pressure bearing down on it like an elephant sitting on my chest,  Jesus fucking Christ what do I do ?  I am lost in a sea of agonizing pain.  The normal cures, the most familiar ones no longer work to heal my pain.  I seek respite and find no rest from the pain in my heart.  The fact is she is gone, gone from my life, gone from my heart, you see the suffering is not in the physical, actual heart, but the one in my soul, Sue has moved on and I have not, I am stuck in the past, missing her in my jealousy, drowning in pain.  She is gone but not from my soul, I have had a heart attack in my spirit worse than anything physical in my blood pumping heart.

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