Sunday, October 11, 2015


Are they watching me? Why are they suspicous of me? Why do they check through their doors when I am in the hall like I am some kind of thief? I have done nothing wrong, I am not some kind of pervert or criminal that lurks in the hallway, I am of no danger to them, my neighbors who open their doors at my slightest movement or noise to look at me with fear and suspicion, I am no different than they are, I just live here like them, I mean no harm, but they look at me with fear none the less. I do not understand, is this real? Or coincidence? Or is it my paranoia?  I struggle to understand others, but my mind is blocked and clogged like a drain by schizophrenia and paranoia, I wish others would leave me alone, I have done nothing to deserve this fear, it just is not right, not fair that I must live like this with others watching my every move, or at least me believing so.  Another day of fear is ahead, like all those that came before it, the unchanging monotony of fear, depression, worry and mental illness, I will continue to struggle even though part of me wants to die, I will not raise my hands against myself, I WILL NOT BE MY OWN DEMISE OR ENEMY.

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