I am still waiting ever so impatiently for them to make contact, to make a decision,
I am very angry at their cavalier attitudes torwards my predicament, the mood
in me is only getting worse, my paranoia stronger with each passing day, I am
sitting here waiting for them to decide, to do my treatments or not, my feeling
of frustration is growing and growing, there has to be a decision, my future is
in the balance, my health on the line.
I am tired and frightened by every bump or noise outside my door, startled by
the littlest of things. I am growing so tired of this waiting, I am tired of people
looking at me suspicously, to see if I am doing any wrong. My room mate stares
at me startled by every noise or move I make, like I am a burglar in my own home.
The treatments are coming, they will help me out of this rain forest and jungle
of fear. There is controversy over these treatments, to this aproach to mental illness,
these electroshock treatments, but I have taken this journey before, safely I might
add. There is no cause for alarm, there will no permanent damage, just recovery.
Yet I STILL HAVE TO WAIT PATIENTLY OR IMPATIENTLY, this seems unbearable, yet
I bare it. I bear it in hope of inner peace.