Thursday, August 13, 2015


I am outside, sitting, doing nothing just, sitting in front of a store, a department store, thinking he is looking at me, threatening me with his eyes, getting ready to swear at me, getting ready to attack, to cause me violence, my voices in my head tell me he is quietly swearing at me, which I have no proof of.  I am locked into fear, delusions and hallucinations today, it has been worse in the past than this today, my schizophrenia and its signs, are pounding me down through fear, shame and guilt.
The more I want to scream, the more my voices scream at me with filthy vulgarities and obscene threats and name calling, my fucking head is spinning in pain and dizziness.  There has never been hope that I would ever be truly free and healthy in mind, at best I may achieve a peaceful quiet restrained psychosis as opposed to frightening psychosis, it is a matter of degree and imperfect solutions, yet that is all life has left me.

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