Thursday, July 30, 2015


The boredom of my life is felt strongly today, I do not know how to stay busy,
there is nothing to be done, no schedule to follow, my body is lethargic in the boredom.  I move moment by moment to nowhere in particular, the heat of todays
sun beating down on me causing  me to sweat, to seat in the boredom of my life,
The fans are on, yet the heat continues to torment me in my boredom, there seems
to be no purpose in my life or direction, I float place to place like a beach ball on
the waves of the ocean, with no  discernable goal.  I hate this fuckin, thiss fucking
life, yet I do not have the courage to end it, to destroy it and my pain, yet I will
not physically end it , I flounder about in physical and mental suffering in my
psychosis, this psychosis that adds to my torment, torment of the heat, my troubled
mind.  The ironic thing is that I can not function any better in tthe bitter cold of
winter and blizzars that makes breathing difficult, in fact, this  passed winter I
passed out and fell in to two feet of snow, no one helped, they saw and did nothing,
you see I am alone and always will be alone, a bored loser.

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