Monday, June 29, 2015


I am tied to the past, shackled to horrible events of the past,
I am tied with a gordion knot to psychosis and depression, the past is here,
now, it rises up like a dragon of legend that breathes fire to destroy
any chance of happiness in the here and now, my now has been stolen
from me, I shake in fear there will be no recovery from the madness of
the past. There are no outside heros in this war to rescue me, I am alone
in this, in this emptiness, I have done many things wrong in the past,
I seem to have no compassion or forgivess for myself, none for the enemies,
the Buddha has tried to help me to show compassion for my enemies,
also forgivness , without these, compassion and forgiveness over past events
 a person can burn alive with hatred and revenge, a rage so hot it burns holes in my
stomach, this happened once before, in anger and drugs, with germs of the
gut, a hole opened up in the lining of my stomach, I vomited pure blood,
I almost died, but did not, a reason not to die by my own hands, to live.

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