Tuesday, April 14, 2015


Well we have done it, and started the new strategy against my psychosis and confusion, we have removed the ineffective tool of Zyprexa, and I am slowly using a new tool to deal with my illness, I am somewhat scared and excited, a new hope against paranoia and suspicion that may or may not control my insanity.  There is a new optimism with this news, yet it is filled with trepidation and worry, what if it does not work? What if I am left hanging spinning in the tornado of psychosis and deadly side effects? There are some dangers in this game of psychiatry, a game of risk with my life at steak, either this will or will not work, there lies also quietly the risk of white blood cell numbers being thrown into chaos and death may result, or the result will be neutral or effective against my paranoia and fears, my head is spinning in confusion, noises outside my door, they not knowing or caring of my chemical plight.  It is true to be fair to others, I have not been sharing my private struggle with anyone, how could they know what I do not reveal?  Maybe the voices and visions will finally end my torment in mental chaos or not.  I am alone in this, or so it feels that I am alone, in this journey of self discovery, just me' the psychotherapist and the shrink are aware of these events, those who need to know do know, the rest is none of their business.

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