Sunday, November 30, 2014

Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast fuck you scientology

Crazy Scientology bullbaiter harasses anonsparrow

Scientology PI's stalk Ex-Scientologist

a poem on scientology by gary pelow

david miscavige, xenu , the crazy one, why do they follow why do tthey harrass?is it money, iist it fame, mentally ill and fighting the cult, lisa was killed by scientologhy, why do these hubbard criminals get away with murder as a religion, many have left, a few have stayed on, the cult money is drying up, tom cruise can not save them, besides he stays stuck in that south park closet, set your victims freer, take your fake cross and go to hell, brainwashed, and poorer because of the cult, i call on rank and file to do class action against the fake religion or mental and physical  abuse over the years, members , go to the police if you must, be escorted to freedom as you leave, consult with the police, but not in clearwater, they own that town and police,  why did the irs cave to grant recognition? this sham must end, the church is rotten to its core, why would anyone stay, embarrassed by 30 years of fleecing perhaps? to ashamed to admit being duped, no matter you will be free.

anger flares a poem by gary pelow

you are late again, what is your problem, this my job, i can not miss or be late to, you must rush before i lose, fear drives the heart to action, motivation with fear, motivation by anxiety, unpleasant indeed, can not be fired, can not afford that, you have my car, i must go to employment, this i have no choice, new responsibility as boss, as leader, somewhat frightening, chaos among the boxes at home, stuff sent to the home address, not the store, crowded, confused, angry, livid, i feel,  the customers need me to serve, and do so promptly, can you not see that, what is wrong with you after all, after all the car is mine, in my name, used with my cash, not yours, be considerate of my plight, be cooperative, we are suppose to be a team, not in a private war.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

a poem by gary pelow

why is chemical coping so bad, would you have me suffer because of your distaste for psychiatric drugs, i am not obligated to suffer for you or anyone else, i have a heart, i care for others, but i aLSO CARE FOR MYSELF AND MIND HEALTH, prozac, wellbutin, electroconvulsive therapy, zyprexa, you oppose, but what gives you the right to stop my mind sanity and recovery, who are you after all, you know me not, the medicines of the mind are preferable to death isolation jail homelessness, tell me something back seat driver, monday morning quarterback, is my zyprexa more or less dangerous than your beer, does liquor help you live and drive better or no? i think the hypocracy of drinkers and smokers is plain to see, glass houses my old friend, glass house,

a poem by gary pelow

cold hot or warm, depression lingers, compounded by psychosis, alone, not knowing what to do, feeling terrified, alone , not busy, time extends into one direction of emptiness, shelly and mike try the patience indeed, young inexperienced, savage memories of war and drugs, they have a difficult time together, but would be worse if not with each other, outside the snow has stopped, it is not falling right now, but neither is the grounded snow melted, alone i am here, to much loose time available to me, so i try my hand at blog and poem, to hope that talent in 3rd grade is still there and sleeping to be awakened again, nervous jumpy, i feel post trauma after child abuse, worsened by schizophrenia, i seek to occupy my mind, success is partial, but incomplete, avocation and hobbies are important, as is vocation, to keep sanity by action, calmness alludes me, as does serenity, i will keep moving until free.

Friday, November 28, 2014

a poem by gary pelow

cold on turkey day, harsh and brutal the wind, could be warmer if not alone or lonely, chicken and not turkey, because of the temper explosion at blessed sacrament, 200 people there, only one here, i do my work, i keep my schedule, i perform my duties, there is nothing else right now, next year maybe, turkey day will have more joy, its almost criminal to be left alone on such a day, no family, no friends, the habits of years gone by stick like rubber cement, only through hard work and practice of social skills will end this pattern, a pattern of  self punishments, buddha will help, or will at least try, more than jesus mohhamed,  that which actually works is what is chosen, the proof is in the wet pudding, use practical ways, do not stick to traditions of failure,the music is playing, and the snow has begun, bitter, cold and alone, both me and the weather.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

fear a poem by gary pelow

ear, terrible fear, restlessness, complicated schizophrenia, with boredom fueling it, making it more intolerable,  rushing anxiety, can not sit still, orgasm is intensifed, based on fear, and not love, do not know what to do, alone in the house, even than, there is no peace, trying to stay on course, difficult it is with the hormones rushing downward, is today another wasted day, or do i demand to much abourt such things, i do not know how to stay occupied when stunned by fear into inaction, they have gone for now, but they will be back, desperate for my own place of privacy, must save enough cash to rebuild the terrorized dreams, i must have my own apartment, stability comes ater.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

a poem by gary pelow

followers of jesus, followers of christ, followers of moses, filled with hate, for the pagan for each other, god is love yet he burns people for eternity, or calls on his followers to behead the heathen, no logic in that faithful insanity, the world must turn from superstitions, virgin births, nonsense, risen from tombs, nonsense, yet i would be forced to believe under penalty of death, you marvel at my ridicule off superstitions, your superstitions , not mine, if you become rulers o superstitous ones, freedom is gone, under the penalty of gods who do not exist, and what of satan, another fantasy of the big three, who control the globe through fairy tales, i scream no to yourr magical man who lives the sky, i say this as i look you in the eye

Saturday, November 22, 2014

a poem by gary pelow

cold, bitter, angry, more than december weather, darkness drops early on the world,  at the holidays, hard not to hold grudges, but they are not worth it, being angry all the time is exhausting, and frings physical pain, walking in the cold fucking rain, wants to make you scream, but scream to who? does anybody ever look out beyond there own world and mind? yes, i think so, people do care, to prevent suicidal acts, the victim must speak up, your friends ,family and doctors are not mind readers, you bare some responsibility, to at least try to live, say something, any thing, cold empty day, very tired, feeling wired, one step at a time, one minute at a time, do not panic, seek the professionals, increase the odds for life to stay, use words, music, art, rejoin the world, never should have left, no matter, i will survive, too angry to dies, i will stay here.

Friday, November 21, 2014

side effect a poem by gary pelows

nausea, dizziness, tired, fever, sweating, as if i had cancer, chemotherapy, motivation is fleeting when under the weight of fatigue, and sickness and fear,  monumental  physical  stress, dangerous trip just to get groceries, november wind is biting us all, cold fear of the winter, i complete my tasks, with no joy, no sense of accomplishment , no sense of joy and energy, life is a drudgery, how to be happy despite this mental physical pain, not a quick or easy assignment, exhausted on the bridge from goodman, vommiting on the sidewalk, want to drop everything, the weight is to great, or so it seems, yet i am here, i made it, iwill make it

Thursday, November 20, 2014

a poem by gary pelow

alone they stand, latinos, some with mental disorders, left uncared for, afraid of help, undocumented, deported back to a former hell, should americanos care, should we or could we turn them away, are we a nation of caring or a nation of not caring, i ave my own problems you say, what is this to me, well like it or not, they pick your food in the fields and are here, they work for you, literally for pocket change, do we not owe them mental health, mentally ill, anywhere in the world got it tuff, more so in the slums of third world, we must care for our own mental patients first, we have failed them, this true, america first, but america cruel

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

A Very Wise Christopher Hitchens Brutalizes Dishonest William Dembski in...

cosmic dictator a poem,

god? Jehovah? Jesus? Loving? kind? to who? six million jews, kind to christiians by feeding them to animals? ideas of gods have produced insanity , insanity of jim jones, insanity of heavens gate, the idea has killed millions and protect no one, consider i suggest, you read hitchens or dawkins, let  logic guide you, the irony of a cosmic dictator is that dictator rules the universe with out actually existing, so who rules? well, popes, mullahs, priests, preachers rabbis rule this dictatorship, through ear and hatred, and the immorality of killing and slaying non believers, man is not alone, but not because god is real but because 7 billion do live, who needs a god, we have each other

Best of Christopher Hitchens Arguments And Clever Comebacks Part Six

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

a poem

what is the difference between living and existing, living allows love, existing just provides physical survival, schizophrenia, stuck between joy and survival, hard to give or receive love when crazy, existing means alone,  people shuffle from place to place with voices as guest, what is the best direction when life is labor and tobacco the only friend, existing means dyeing alone, abandoned and forsaken, difficult to grow when crazy, wandering in the outer limits, not understanding, life or existence, stuck in the middle, existing means not working, living means contributing to the group of humanity, existence is idleness, negative symptoms, out of control, existence means no purpose, no motivation, why get up every morning, tough question to answer, but i answer, friends, exercise , music, compassion, forgiveness, art, charity, pay it forward,

cold apoem

outside cold inside warm, , in the house alone,turkey day approaches, beyond that the nativity, winds cuts like an axe, shopping in this weather, bags break things fall ,moving again someday, need the security, saving cassh for a new place, more privacy, less suffering for me, garbage piling up, at my third mattress. saving up is essential, the budget is tight , i an balance it though, the bus will be more often, the cold demands it, eating to much junk food, to much sugar, zyprexa and sugar equals diabetes, a repulsive idea, do not want to gain 60 pounds i lost, walking every where is good excercise, keeping down the bulge, very paranoid today, are they following or not , do not know,

Monday, November 17, 2014

winter a poem

snow today, first time in a year, depressing cold circumstance, much like the weather is the mood, doing wash, boring slow day and darker sooner, schizophrenia in cold is difficult cold, anxiety up with this season, thanksgiving around the corner, will not be with my relztives but caring strangers at a church snow today, somewhat mild, january to march to be bitter cold, weather so bad people are injured or dies from the freeze, grateful i am not on the streets, being homeless was a bitch, no need to repeat it

Sunday, November 16, 2014

excorcism a poem

why do we blame demons for human ignorance, if manson kills is it satan or man who is real and evil, satan is not needed for evil, homosapiens accomplish that alone, the existence of satan worshipers or god worshipers does not prove either existence, was pol pot satan, was hitler possessed, or were filled with human nature, much to easy to sanitize human evil by blaming lucifer or non existent gods, take responsibility for your own violent actions, do not blame the easter bunny or lucifer,

a poem cancer

cancer is here, pain of body and mind, tests ons faith in god, there is no rhyme or reason to it, all ages are attacked by the cells that refuse to die, in the brain, in the bones, in the organs, the pain multiplies, liquid tumor of the blood, even scarier, is it worth it to fight it, i do not really know, if i fight and survive is the quality of life any good,or will dementia come from the extended years, to forget who i am is more frightening than death, or tumors

Saturday, November 15, 2014

a poem

bitter today, cold today, no other way, face fear of those near, many young, some old, some respectful, some not, no car, must walk, short but scary distance,some snow fluttering, wind blowing as cold as fear, as cold of revenge, retaliation however not the goal, the  target is serenity and peace, hard to maintain peace, yet it must be done, the alternative is ugly, vengeance and grudges are a waste, and exhausting, 7 billion strong and divided against ourselves, irony does not do it justice as description, buddha the guide yet the buddhist is his own master and student

Friday, November 14, 2014

a poem paranoid

the communists are coming, the muslims are coming, the jews  have control, hysteria in imagined fantasys of our imagined enemies, cold war was over, no more communist boogey man, replaced by our fear of those islamic types, fear is the tool humanity, to control and mold it, people who have power do so because they succesfly have injected fear into your heart, any froup that seeks influence or control, will trot out the fake villain, the fake terrorists, we the people have been replaced by you the scary, security to deny rights

a poem

it is not real, is that the deal, i do not know, schizoid android, feeling discouraged, sad listless, many things go wrong, tech stuff is hard, costs money, but better than honey, schizophrenic logic makes no sense as you can see, discouragement all over the map, to disturbed to have a nap, psychosis too strong, suffering ar to long, can people see, or is it just me, can ask god jesus or allah, not real are they, mentally ill and on my own