Saturday, July 14, 2018

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Just Got Out

I was locked in from birth into the superstitious, magic like nonsense of The Roman Catholic Church.
A guy in a dress, often filthy pedophiles, will stand up and say some magical incantations and BOOM, you are going to Heaven because the altar witch doctor turned a loaf of Wonder Bread into GOD.
And do not forget the dictator in Vatican city that most American Catholics ignore, because King Pope does not rule here.
At around 16, I took my Catholic confirmation, look it up, and promptly told Holy Rosary Parish to fuck off, Catholicism and its black magic are no longer part of me, I walked away, never went back.
However my journey through stupid superstition did not end when I stopped admiring that spiritual whore Mother Theresa and her pedophile bosses.
I simply joined other superstitious groups for years to come, different details, same magical gibberish and bullshit.
I joined psychotic Pentacostals, they gave out free food, I just pretended to give 2 fucks.
I became a Satanist, if God was not going to get me some pussy, then I asked Lucifer.  He did not deliver.
I went to Baptist loony bins as well, again same witchcraft atmosphere, same horseshit that was useless to me, to you as well.
I went to The Salvation Army to worship, I went to Anglican houses of stupidity.
I tried New Age Crystals and religions.  Still no pussy.

Thursday, June 28, 2018

A poem by Gary G Pelow, Science

I got to thinking, as a person with schizophrenia, how do I know what is real and what is (unwanted) fantasies, psychosis or delusions or me just being an ass?
Well, science of course, I mean I am an atheist because I am Scientific.
Belief in anything that would kill and murder his own son, or would basically make people born to , what, displease him right from the start of their birth, then burn them in fire for failing him which the creator caused to happen??
Well if that god is real,fuck you to him or her or it.
But I just got off track, science as an answer to my original question is not all that,well, easy.
Medical science says I have Schizophrenia, which gives me a blind spot where I can not see ALL of reality, just random pieces.
And science is the study of physical reality and the natural laws of that reality.
So if I can not see all of reality, or even delusionally believe in something false when presented with proof I am wrong about something in or about reality, how do I know my conclusions about medicine, in this case the field of psychiatry, is part of science that helps me see more of reality are (my conclusions on psychiatry, seeing a psychiatrist) real?
How do I know psychiatry is scientific or helpful to me for sure when psychiatry itself says I am may be possibly wrong on any given random thing?
How do I know what is scientific or not?
How do I know if I am typing this right now or just hallucinating that I am typing this right now?
Or dreaming it?
I do NOT know for sure.  NO ONE ever said I had to. NO ONE EVER said I had a  a RIGHT to see everything, or know everything.
And none of us does nor does it matter, we can all just do our best guess about reality and not worry about perfection in understanding reality.
I am NOT saying do not make an effort to see reality more clearly, that is why I take psychotropics.
That is my best guess, and it is something I want to get right, people's safety and lives depend on most people coming to a consensus about what is real.
Not everyone takes these drugs, because their natural best guess is better than my guess without my medications.
If I think I am God, that is patently false and most people would know that.
And such a delusion would be ironic, if I AM GOD, Then I do not believe I exist.

Monday, June 25, 2018

A poem by Gary G Pelow: Mentally ill and the torque wrench

I am someone who hears and sees and smells and feels and tastes things others can not because they are not real beyond my brain.
I have Schizophrenia, and the hallmark of most cases of this severe mental illness, including my own, is experiences of the five senses, (Buddhists say there are six senses, i.e. the mind as six, )
that are not real and not wanted by people experiencing these hallucinations made by bad chemistry in the grey matter in the skull.
It is certainly a sometimes terrifying experience to go through things no one else could possibly know, you are you, and others are not you.
When you see Satan killing innocent people, for example, no one would understand such a terrifying  picture of grotesque evil because, the experience is not real except to you and secondly, just as an aside, Satan, or God, do not exist
Yes, I am a apostate from Rome to atheism in Rochester
In New York, not Minnesota.
I have lived in the deep hills and valleys of upstate westward hills and valleys,and medium size towns and much larger cities.
They are all a mixture of positive and negative life experiences, but all can be stressful.
If you live in extremely large cities in areas of common extreme violent crime, assault, murder and rape, that would be quite stressful.
I have lived in the hills and mountains of Eastern Upstate New York and being alone can be stressful in areas of low population and that are inaccessible to many people and loneliness can drive a person to suicide, just ask my sister.
I have lived in small rural towns and average size cities like Rochester, NY and both can contain the stress of overwhelming boredom and bland sameness each and everyday.
So, what is my point?.
NOT HAVING A PSYCHOTIC MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT MEAN NO STRESS.
But think about ADDING TO YOUR NORMAL STRESS OVER REALITY, or what most people believe reality to be, THE EXTREME STRESS OF PSYCHOTIC BAD TRIPS.
LSD trips every fucking day while never using LSD , that is stressful and can twist your reality and life and mind like a torque wrench.
And if the torque wrench twists your mind enough to commit suicide, or commit mass shootings, or mass murder, or become a cannibal Dahmer style, nany people get hurt when the torque wrench causes you to break mentally.