Wednesday, May 16, 2018

A poem by Gary G Pelow The Gut

When anxiety flies unrestricted through my veins, my gut is the first to react.
Through the years and terrors of mental illness for 52 years my often first reaction to stress in terror was a severely painful, physical pain, took place in my digestive tract.
Oddly, this also happened under the stress of happy occasions as well.
It was tradition in my family that we would all open our gifts in the middle of the night around 2:00 AM EST USA.
But, it was also tradition each Christmas for me to get so excited that I would vomit through the Christmas and Thanksgiving season.
As I was growing up it was getting more and more obvious that I was becoming severely mentally ill and suicidal and violent and it became apparent also that this would be a problem my father would ignore.
I fell into a world of psychotic fantasy, not just childhood imagination, but severe psychosis and  fantasy.
And my gut would react under severe mental illness by severe abdominal pain, and vomiting, constipation, and the such.
Schizophrenia is a terror for a lifetime on its own, but when you throw in physical pain, suffering, and sickness then hell is doubled.
When my gut shows itself to be my own worst enemy and I would endure the pain and nausea and vomiting in silence with no complaint from me my psychotic mind wandered in terror in and out of reality.
I unknowingly compounded the problem for decades by taking aspirin everyday, I had come to be convinced that there is no god, a belief I still hold, and the solution to all personal and medical problems was drugs, medicine, that the human brain is physical.
It was in fact, the brain, the soul and that soul would become nonexistent at the second of death.
The soul, that three pound biological computer constantly had me in constant pain, through my gut.
Then one day, in Brockport , New York, I began to vomit pure blood, at first I refused to believe It was in fact pure blood that I was vomiting.
I started to get drowsey and dizzy, and after several hours of vomiting blood I went to the hospital just barely avoiding death by internal bleeding in my stomach brought about by abuse of aspirin of all things.



Tuesday, May 15, 2018

A poem by Gary G Pelow Breaking Point Cult

There is a difference between positive change in the world or in any given society and complete and utter nonsense.
There has always been war and violence in the human race, as Tralaine said in an episode of Star Trek "Did you know that humans are one of the few species that preys on itself?"
Well now we are far beyond just simple war and violence over the usual suspects, money, land, power, sex.
We have topped over 7 billion people on Earth and borders are breaking like the frame around a window breaking and then the glass gets smashed in the process.
Now we are fighting over ideologies, this has been going on for at least 100 years so it is not new either, but it is now far worse as ideologies pick up tempo and start destroying whole nations from within, that is the new part.
Insane ideologies like the far left Cultural Marxists, feminism, Antifa and on the right racism or fascism, not to be confused with real Nationalism which is that which is being destroyed.
Nations, also called Nation States are committing suicide, they are deliberately seeking their own demise through massive immigration of those who hate them yet welcome them.
Muslims and Islam and just general mass immigration of people who can not even function rationally in their own countries come to ours and destroy our lands  and literally raping Europe, its women, girls, even young boys anally raped.
And the rapists, pedophiles, murderers, parents who mutilate the genitals of their own daughters by cutting off their clitoris are greeted at our borders with welcome signs held up by the future rape victims they will soon become, they just do not know it, or they do know and are mentally ill.
I know quite a bit about mental illness, I have schizophrenia, and that is the most bizarre part of all of this insanity of Western Nation States deciding to implode.
These people are not schizophrenic or mentally ill but they willingly seek self destruction.
It is not as if Western countries were being destroyed by politicians and leaders  with Schizophrenia or Bipolar disease.
No, this is far worse then simple psychosis or mood swings, this is cult insanity on the largest scale ever in the human history of cults and we will all die because of it.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Alan Watts - The Dangers of Waking Up (Must Listen)

A poem by Gary G Pelow Susan The Rock

I was lucky enough to meet Susan on some dating site I can not remember the name of, Badoo or some such shit.
We blabbered on the phone for six months before hooking up in person, Sue The Rock is careful, she likes to love and bless others but she is not stupid, she rushes into nothing without thinking or planning.
She is a rock indeed, a strong, powerful mother, wife and partner, not easily given to panic.
Oh, she certainly feels panic at different times, she is rock of endurance and strength but still a human being.
I lived in Brockport the day she decided to drive from Buffalo without telling her adult children where she was going.
That sounds risky, even foolish, but it was not.
Our telephone conversations were long, I had a land line and my bill topped 200 $ a month, Sue had a Cricket cell phone, free long distance.
The point is I did not lie to her before we met.
I told her everything about me I could think of as important for her to know.
My Schizophrenia.
My mental illness.
My income, Social Security disability family survivor benefits awarded to me the  moment my father died, I told
her I work only part time and not all the time.
My apartment was subsidized by the government, $230 a month for an apartment that valued at 650$ a month, a subsidy from The U,S. Department of Agriculture Department of Rural Development.
I told Sue everything I could about me, my family, I had , and still have, no children but I do have nine brothers and sisters.
She had two husbands that died and left her with 7 adult children by the tine I met her.
Of course she has grandchildren and two of her adult sons died from drug overdoses.
She endures all of this with pain, that is normal.
She still gets up in the morning to live like others live.
While she misses her two sons she takes delight in her grand children, they are young, they do not understand the pain in Sue, but they do need her, and she needs them, as do her own daughters and one
 surviving son.
They need her in the present moment, not the past of the dead.

Monday, May 7, 2018

Flow by Gary Pelow

Everything is flowing so fast in so many different directions
The Dhammapada says I should flow to enlightenment with great effort and promise of peace.
The people in white coats tell us all to follow the chemicals towards peace, after all, they worked so hard to bring us Soma, the pill to make you happy for no reason.
My telephone just fell out of my pocket in 2018, that could not have happened in 1976 when I was 11 years old.
I remember my brother joking around in 1978 driving his car around stopping at random people telling them they had a phone call as he handed them the receiver of a phone through the car window that was no more useful to make calls then a water melon.
The internet is flowing in a billion different directions with phones included that do connect and do make calls even though they are as big only as a credit card, unlike 1976.
War if flowing, that old evil of men.
It flows by drones killing people like a video game from great distances to kill our enemies, killing the wrong people as if there were right people to kill.
War flows by Israel in attacking Palestine and its people in an open sewer of a concentration camp outdoors the size of a country, that should be a country, next to and at peace with the Jews.
My loneliness and my own evil deeds make me flow towards staying away from family and sabotaging my friendships and family, I see them no more, I talk to them no more.
They both disgust me.
I flow with the smell of toluene, a chemical, I know swell, it makes me fly, but so do the doctors Soma, that for me come in six different varieties like candy I take every fucking day.
WHERE ARE YOU FLOWING?

Friday, May 4, 2018

Shaytan a poem by Gary G Pelow

Shaytan is on the streets of humanity, the legendary one who would not kneel before Adam.
He is vilified as the disobedient one who did not follow the commands of a creator god, one of monotheistic legends and myth
There are many such legends speaking of a vilified one, an angel, or a jinn, a spirit of disobedience, the legends have a common theme, but differ in the details of the devil.
The Shaytan of The Christians is one who waged war against God to take his thrown, an evil character indeed, to try to take the throne of The Creator.
Shaytan of Arabia is an angel who disobeyed Allah, not to take the Creator's thrown, but by refusing to kneel in submission to Adam, a human, not a God, or an Allah, and his refusal was for love of his King Creator, not to take his thrown.
One only submits to a KING, not a creation of THE KING of Heaven.
And is Shaytan in the Myths of The Hebrews?
Well, that is dependent on what Hebrews or Jews you are talking to and when you did , are or will talk to them.
Conservative, Rabbinical, and Orthodox Jews all see Shaytan in different, complicated ways, too much to explain here.
Generally Shaytan in early Hebrew Writings  was an accuser, one who was an attorney in Heaven, accusing people of evil before Yaweh, God.
But none of these things are true, the legends, myths, religions and superstitious nonsense are all lies.
Shaytan, Satan, Jinn, The Devil, demons, Yaweh, Allah, God, Jesus, spirits, the supernatural do not exist.
Heaven and Hell are not real, they are fables sold as truth to control you or comfort you in your mortality, to ease the truth we all die.
I will die eventually, we all do, fuck even Jesus had to in the fables of Him.
Shaytan disobeys God but God tortures you in Hell forever in some fables, who is more evil?
Well, that question is retarded, neither exist.
However, I exist. I believe YOU exist, I can shake your hand, see you, talk to you as a human, man woman or child.
Plants exist, animals exist. They are our pets or food or past time or our hobbies.
So Shaytan is on our streets, because he, or she, or they, are us, someone once said, not me, "we have seen the our enemy and he is us".