Monday, March 26, 2018

A poem by Gary G Pelow 7 days dry

When people say they are dry in regards to what they put in their bodies by mouth they usually mean they are not boozing it up.
Which is fine if your a drunk, better not to drink, it just usually does not turn out well.
I suppose if you wanted to expand the idea you could apply it to illicit drug users not using illicit drugs, but they usually use the word clean to indicate they are not using their most favorite chemical, again, using does not end well for addicts.
What do you call it though when a mental patient i.e., myself, I have Schizophrenia, is suppose to take certain drugs every single day, for in this case Schizophrenia, but said person has no money to access said drugs even with insurance?
Well folks, I am about to find out.
I am out of all six of my psychiatric meds and will not be able to get them for maybe 7-8 days from today.
Seroquel, for my psychosis, the most important one, Gabapetin for anxiety, Klonopin, for anxiety, it is physically addicting so for the next eight days I have the joy of drug withdrawal to look forward to.
There are a couple of others one for Acid Reflux, not psychiatric, not an issue
However, all the rest of my legal stash are for anxiety, delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia.
These things are about to get REALLY OBVIOUS to me, and others, I do not mean violence or suicide, I am insane, not a jailbird type.
But the net eight days will be filled with hearing voices you do not hear, seeing demons you do not see, panic, anxiety, pacing, vomiting, cold sweats, fever, shaking, insomnia, yelling, screaming and swearing at random strangers, in public, very humiliating.
Already contacted my shrink, they can not do anything unless I get so bad I end up in the hospital psych ward, which is stupid, my insurance will pay for very expensive inpatient psych, but not 7 dollars of my meds.
to be continued.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

A poem by Gary g Pelow, Rock and the Roach

thirteen billion years, maybe more, no one really knows. how old is the harsh cold black desert that is the universe.
well older than god, mainly because god, yours or mine, are not real, sorry imaginary friends are imaginary.
well, fuck that, let's jump through a few billion years, to Earth, not actually Earth yet.
about 5 billion years, the Earth then was a swirling whirlpool of liquid rock, hotter than your girlfriends ass.
I have seen her ass by the sway, it is a nice ass, just saying .
Sulfur, the smell of sulfur, was the main odor of liquid rock on fire on "Earth" 5 billion years ago.
not much of anything else, no life, yet, not even a shrub or a roach, but that did change, we will get back to that subject later.
So if there is no god, and there isn't despite your psychotic beliefs, how did life start and why should anyone care, well, nobody "should" care, they can if they want, but it serves no purpose to answer that question.
So, eventually, and NOT GUIDED BY intelligent design, the Earth has more oxygen, carbon, iron and water.
Water is where life started, but it is not important to know that, you can know that, even enjoy knowing that, but it has no utilitarian purpose.
But nothing in the Universe has purpose. It is still impressively awe inspiring in age and subjective perception.
Lets jump through the "city on the edge of forever" our guide is William Shatner, Kirk.
We are now looking into the time gate , Earth hundreds of millions of years before dinosaurs.
But there was something, insects, many many insects, some would evolve into roaches we know and love.
But stop, think, insects go back 496 million years and are still here.
Dinosaurs came and went, the main theory, a very large and unfriendly rock rock hit  Earth, killing dinosaurs off. but the insects remained. before dinosaurs, during dinosaurs and after, insects are here, now, today.
This is important only to point out, in the scheme of a godless, uncaring indifferent Universe, we mean nothing, everything means nothing. Everything that is or was, was an accident.
Humans are basically stupid, we are already dying out, ALL HUMAN RACES ARE DYING, nothing will stop that.
and odds are , the filthy, disgusting hated cock roach will survive us, or insects in general. rocks and roaches, that's our story.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Dhammapada Verse 77: One Should Teach

A poem by author/poet/publisher/writer/producer Gary Pelow, I FEAR YOU

I do not know you, I have never seen you before 5 minutes ago, but I am afraid of you.
You have done nothing wrong, nor have I, I wish to hurt no one, nor do you. I know that intellectually you show no signs of being dangerous to me or me to you, yet you do frighten me.
Actually one could argue everything unknown to me frightens me, new ideas, new political opinions, new religious ideas, and my imagination creates ghost and specters of the unknown to be afraid of.
When I walk down the street, for example today it is St.  Patrick's everyone 30 years of age or younger are drunk, high, stoned in one manner or another.  I am 52 years old, not weak, or incapable of defending myself, I do not fear those things.   That is the problem though is it not? I fear things that are not dangerous or people who are not dangerous and in my fear, in my paralysis, I fear harmless people and situations
And I ignore real dangers to my safety, that is the irony I fear things not a threat and ignore those things that are a threat
I am locked in a room and I do not have the keys to get out, but neither do my captures.
My captures of course just are not real, no more than Unicorns or The Celestial Tea Pot mentioned by Richard Dawkins
Two people who I loved were in this situation, this situation of psychotic mental illness, and both are dead.
My Mum, schizophrenia and alcohol and a lack of any real effective treatment of psychosis is what killed her.
Her death was not technically a suicide, but drinking yourself to death slowly is suicide, at the very least the end result is the same, She is dead, A is my sister who did commit suicide with a double barrel blast into her ow face, found dead by my 12 year old nephew, her son. He was 12, let that sink in, 12, looking at what is left of once was his mother.
So, if I am afraid of everyone and everything why am I STILL ALIVE  after 35 years of my own schizophrenia??
Well, as a Roman Catholic I feared death, Satan, Hell and God more than I hate life and I still hate my life but that natural instinct for biological organisms  to survive, to persist, the drive to live and survive prevents my death.
As an atheist I fear death even more, for an atheist, this moment is the only party we get, I am not leaving his party voluntarily by my own hand.

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Cheddar man, why humanity is not important!

A poem by Gary G Pelow, "Yes, can you please give me directions to racist town, Right or left turn at Sun Way st."

What is a racist? Where do these demons of hate live? Hmmmmmm, Oh , I know, do not tell me, I know this! If you go to Sun Way, taking a left will bring you to the AntiNazis/AntiFascists/antiracists fantasy town: "I am not racist, I have black friends or I personally have black skin."  I think Rebecca Watson, Clementine Ford, Anita Sarkeesian and my personal hero Professor Click "you can not be here!" live there!
Oh, and I am sure that brilliant college professor in a mask that clocked somebody in the head with a bike lock lives there, he wore a mask, it seems hitting people is illegal in The USA, Nazis and commies alike.
What the fuck was the name of that not at all racist left wing hard left turn town?
Oh, I know, this is quote from someone, not mine, credit due where due, Any ways I think the Name of that totally non racist left wing town: The Soft bigotry of low expectations" yeah its long,  where the totally non-racists Rebecca Watson, Clementine Ford, Anita Sarkeesian, and bell hooks live there! Am I right?
Lets back up, then take right, I want to find the real racists as much as I want to see not racist Rebecca Watson.
So, on the right, this racist town is named, hold on hmmmmmmmmmm......
Oh I got it! It Johannasburg South Africa where the not all racist black government officially are pushing for the murder of whites and stealing their farmland, YAY! I got it, THEY can not possibly be racist, they are black, racism is part of the systemic rule of white power structures... Uh? Oh, right in South Africa it is a black systemic power system, they are not racists, I am sure their race/hate crimes are done out brotherly love for whites.
I know, I know it is all very confusing, do not worry, I am here to help clear the confusion.
You see left wing agitators, as it turns out, are racist.  Let me explain, if you are a young affluent white male or female who thinks black people need you to fight for them instead of them defending themselves, you are speaking for blacks, without permission, because you think blacks are like retarded children who need rich, liberal, whites to save them.
Yeah, my dear Watson, you are a fucking self righteous racist with very, very, very ,very pale skin, Rebecca, you need more Sun. But, I Digress.
It seems that South Africa, The Rainbow Nation, wants a one color rainbow, BROWN. They, the black racists will not even include mixed race children in the brown rainbow that came of Rebecca Watson's mother's vagina, right after Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farm Was born just 4 minutes earlier. Fraternal Twins.

                                                                    THE END